


I Taste Honey but I Haven't Seen the Hive

by WaeRose



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Aromantic Asexual Morality | Patton Sanders, Aromantic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Autistic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Autistic Morality | Patton Sanders, Bonding, Bracelets, Crying, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Has ADHD, Enemies to Friends, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Making Up, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders Tries, Other, Platonic Cuddling, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Queerplatonic Relationships, Slow Burn, Touch-Starved Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Touch-Starved Morality | Patton Sanders, everyone is sympathetic, i write them like this becuz i dont know how to write neurotypicals..., lots of h/c, mild body horror, not really enemies.., so much cuddling, they fuck up but so does everyone sometimes :P, yea this is the intruality qpr fic ive been wanting to make for months :3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27036769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaeRose/pseuds/WaeRose
Summary: Patton doesn't think of himself as misunderstood. More accurately, he's not very good at explaining himself.Remus explains himself perfectly well, succinct, confident. People are just bad at listening.Patton is lonely. He'd never say it out loud. No one knows.Remus is lonely. He says it in everything he does. No one knows.They're similar. They're different as can be. Contradictory, maybe; complimentary, definitely. They could be good for each other, perfect, even- they just need to explain it right. They just need to listen well.
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 81
Kudos: 162





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i can't tell which one I'm projecting onto more.   
> In case it wasn't obvious by this point I love these two characters with all of my heart and they are both *so underrated*, so here is... this! Also, there's always a deficit of QPR fanfiction amidst all the romance- and I *do* love romance, but... I just want these two to take care of each other and I needed to dedicate an entire multi-chapter work to showing that through a non-romantic lens.   
> -WJ

The carpet beneath his legs felt like sandpaper, rough and scratching. It was the kind of rug someone could find at their grandma’s house, the kind that you roll around on with the family dog when you’re little, even though it rubs your skin red if you lay still too long. It was painful, but a comfort. Familiar. 

Patton sat unmoving on that itchy carpet, curled tight into a little ball and pressed into the very smallest corner of his room. His bed was just a foot or two away, but it offered no appeal to him. And, supposing it did, he probably wouldn’t have had the strength to make it there anyway. 

The discomfort at least gave him something to focus that  _ wasn’t  _ his miserable little problem. 

Patton’s breath came in with little hiccups, each one weaker than the last until he shook with lightheadedness. He couldn’t tell if he was crying, yet, but it was more likely than not. He couldn’t focus on much else other than the pure _ feeling  _ overwhelming him, filling up his lungs. It was all too much.

_ He  _ was too much.

That was the root of the issue; he was overbearing, he was overeager, he was overexcited- always  _ over _ , and never just right. Never just right, and the only times he got close was when he wasn’t  _ enough _ . Not smart, not patient, not… respectful. 

He’d just needed- wanted- needed?- he’d  _ wanted _ a hug, that was all. But of course, he couldn’t have just  _ asked _ . He forgot; who forgets to do something so important? Just because he was giddy didn’t mean he was allowed to do something like that!

Logan had given quite the lecture when Patton had pulled away from him, mere seconds after he realized he wasn’t being held in return. Shame and embarrassment welled up in him at once. The intellectual side had looked so  _ uncomfortable  _ with what he’d done to him, and his rant had reflected that just as much. Patton apologized profusely right afterwards, of course he had- and Logan forgave him easily, looking remorseful himself for the outburst. He’d even offered, now that he was prepared for it, to give Patton the attention he’d been looking for. It was so generous, and sweet, and kind. 

And obviously Patton couldn’t accept. He’d done enough already, so instead he declined, and with one last apology excused himself, darting up to his room to… 

Well, to do this.

And it wasn’t that he’d upset Logan, that wasn’t what hurt. Logan forgave quickly- a privilege usually only reserved for Patton when it came to such a stubborn side as him- and he knew his best friend did care for him. It wasn’t even the guilt that hurt, because he was perfectly used to that emotion. 

It was his skin, the burning. The lack. The need for something- anything- any display of affection that he didn’t have to struggle his way through initiating.

Patton’s hiccupping was devolving into sobbing by this point- he was overreacting, he  _ knew  _ he was overreacting, but now that he’d started he just couldn’t stop. And he got louder, louder, and louder, and he couldn’t choke it back. But between his gasps, he began to hear, distantly, the tell-tale sound of footsteps in the hallway.

Patton clamped his hand down over his mouth immediately, biting down on the side of it to stifle the whimpering. He hoped and prayed it wasn’t Logan, because he just knew that his friend would try so hard to help, even when what Patton needed was so  _ touchy  _ and  _ clingy _ . But he shouldn’t have to deal with that.

Nobody should. 

So, he held his breath.

As the footfalls grew closer, however, Patton realized that they were much too heavy and thumping to be Logan’s. His steps were quick and light, but this person’s shoes came down with force, possible platforms, and- oh.

Oh no, not that, anyone but  _ that _ \- 

The door cracked against the wall as it was slammed open. Patton flinched, recoiling into his ‘hiding spot’ and hoping beyond hope that he was wrong about who it was.

Then Remus walked fully into the room, big chunky boots knocking against the carpet, and his worst fears were realized.

Of all the people to see him like- like  _ this _ , it had to be the side that liked him the least. Not that he could  _ blame _ Remus, because after everything he’d done to him it was certainly deserved, but that did nothing to assuage the terror blooming in his chest.

Remus gave the room a scan, clearly searching for something; he must’ve heard the crying. His gaze fell on Patton soon enough, and when it did his eyes widened to big, excited circles. 

Patton pressed his back against the wall, knowing anything in the world could happen to him now. He knew better than to think that Remus was a  _ monster _ , someone come to torture him till he was dead as something like him could be, by now. He’d learned that lesson after the acceptance, after fighting to move past those judgements. 

But that didn’t mean Remus wouldn’t mock him, or poke and prod him in this vulnerable state, or any other number of smaller hurts that Patton most certainly had coming from the intrusive side. And the worst of that was he didn’t know, he had _no clue_ what would happen, because Remus was _Remus,_ the least predictable creature he’d ever met. What if he just left? Left and told everyone what he’d seen and now everyone would look at Patton with nothing but pity from now on, and they’d feel so guilty when they didn’t shower him with unearned attention. 

“Oh, shit,” there was a sharp hiss, and then Remus had teleported right in front of Patton, crouching down to his level. The moral side would have recoiled, but he found that he was already cowering as much as he possibly could.

Patton’s face was pressed against his knees, his arms wrapped around his legs. He tried to control the small, distressed sounds that continued to escape him, but the efforts were useless when he felt calloused hands tugging at his wrists. He yelped.

“Now- Now’s not a- a good ti-me,” he gasped out, voice cracking like a child’s. He regretted the words at once, feeling the fingers on his skin still. 

“I can see that, Pat.”

What was he thinking? There was no way Remus would leave  _ now _ , now that he knew Patton didn’t want him there- not without teasing and badgering Patton until he got bored, at least. Why couldn’t he have just been  _ better _ in the past, then maybe he wouldn’t be at the mercy of someone who more-or-less hated him? Why had it taken him  _ so long  _ to get things right- why did it  _ always  _ happen that way?!

“Hey, hey, look at me.”

Patton hesitated, sure that when he looked up he’d see Remus shapeshifting his face to something horrible and grotesque. Eventually, though, the tugging at his arms and the ache of his eyelids pressing against his knees broke him, and he glanced up.

And there was Remus. Just Remus. Looking as normal as he ever could have. Worried, even.

“There, that’s good- uhm, I’m not gonna hurt you, okay?” A toothy smile crossed his face, “Wow, never expected to hear myself say something like that, hah. I’m serious, though- which also feels weird to say!”

Patton stared at him in utter confusion. At the  _ concern  _ etching his face. That expression just didn’t seem to fit on the Duke’s face, looking out of place across his leathery skin and overly large features.

“You- you aren’t?”

Remus snorted, rolling his eyes (literally, a full 360 degree rotation) and scrunching up his nose.

“What, I’m gonna find you whimpering and bawling your eyes out like a newly-orphaned baby, sit down with a bowl of popcorn, and heckle the shit out of you?”

Patton glanced back down at his knees and went quiet. A ‘no’ was on the tip of his tongue, but he and Remus both hated lying, so he swallowed it back. The only thing he could say was:

“I’m sorry.”

Remus blinked, dropping out of his crouch to sit cross-legged in front of Patton. 

“Nah, don’t be. I wouldn’t have put it past me from like, two months ago, anyway.”

Patton lowered his legs a bit, if only because the position made them sore. He angled his head to the side, puzzled.

“What changed?”

Remus spent a moment very obviously trying to decipher if the question was genuine. 

“Uh, you stopped being a dick?”

Patton’s confusion only mounted, so much so that he hardly noticed the swearing.

“I did?”

“Yeah? Teary apology to me n’ everything,” Remus gave a noncommittal shrug, “Plus, you might be a prude, but you haven’t tried to boss me around in like… weeks.”

“Oh. Um,” Patton blanched, his fingers splayed out on his knees. He hadn’t thought such a simple apology would earn him anything near forgiveness- even when it first happened, guilt soaking every word from his mouth, Remus had laughed incredulously and brushed it off. And he’d read that as a refusal to accept the apology, but...

Remus let go of his wrists, opting instead to pick at his own claws. It seemed he was starting to realize just how out of place he seemed, sitting so casually in Patton’s room like this.

“Do you want me to get someone else to, like, cuddle you and talk about feelings or whatever? I don’t have a lot of experience with this whole comforting thing.”

Patton paled, panicked to think anyone else should have to be subjected to this.

“No!” 

Patton felt himself flush embarrassedly when Remus startled, and dropped his words to a whisper.

“I mean- I don’t want anyone else to see… this. But you can still go, if you want.”

There was a moment’s deliberation.

“Alright,” Remus said simply. 

Patton gave him as much of a smile as he could manage, waiting for the trait to leave. He tried to ease the disappointment he felt with the relief of knowing that he’d made it out of this conversation unharmed, but.

But the Duke made no move to leave. 

He clearly picked up on Patton’s perplexion, and frowned.

“Well, I  _ don’t  _ wanna leave you like this.”

“Oh- oh, um, thank you, that’s- You don’t need to-”

“Do you want me to go?”

Patton hesitated, hunching his shoulders up.  _ Did _ he? Did he really want to be alone?  _ Again?  _ But when the alternative was- well, he really didn’t know what it was. But it didn’t seem quite as bad as loneliness (few things would be). 

“I’ll take your panicked silence as a ‘no, don’t leave’,” Remus announced, and- that was probably a good call, yeah. “So, do you wanna talk about it?”

Patton shook his head fiercely, like the question had struck him physically.

“ _ Alriiight _ ,” Remus drawled, “Do you want, I dunno, a hug?”

God,  _ yes _ , more than anything- but he couldn’t… he couldn’t just!  _ Take  _ that!!

“Oh, you really don’t have to do that for me, I-”

“I know I don’t have to,” Remus said, “I volunteered to.” 

Patton stared at him, eyes blown wide as a painful sort of hope grew in his chest.

“I- I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

“You didn’t ask, I offered,” he retorted, sounding amused but not cruelly so. He outstretched his arms, opening them wide, and the offer was much more tempting than it should have been. “C’mere. I can’t promise it’ll be  _ pleasant _ , obviously, but you don’t look too picky right now.”

Patton sat up straighter, leaning forwards on his knees. He let his hands fall to the carpet, inching just a bit closer. Each movement was halting, giving Remus as many chances as possible to take back his offer. When they were finally close enough, Patton reached out his hands, stopped them, and reached a little further, until just barely were his arms circled around the other’s torso. 

The reaction was immediate; Remus surged forward and coiled his arms tightly around Patton’s back. He gripped tight before rocking back, essentially dragging the much taller side into his lap and holding him there. 

And Patton could hesitate just a second more before his resolve crumbled, and he threw his arms around the Duke with force. He buried his face in the glittery fabric of Remus’ shoulder, finding it softer than he’d always expected. He didn’t attempt to hold back the crying now- not that he could, he wasn’t in any state of mind for self-control now that  _ this  _ was happening.

A hand found its way to Patton’s back, gently tracing up his shoulder blades and then back down. Another pressed against his hip, from an arm that was secure around his waist. 

It was an indescribable relief. Remus had been wrong-  _ so  _ wrong: the embrace was the furthest thing from unpleasant. Sure, he may have smelled like rotted meat and mold, his slick-with-grease hair brushing the side of Patton’s face, but none of it mattered at all to how perfect the contact was. It was grounding, Remus’ arms sturdy. Whenever Patton was hugged, there was the anxiety that came with knowing it would end soon, but in that moment he felt nothing but security. Because it didn’t seem like this one would end after a measly few seconds, not with the way Remus held him. 

He didn’t let go at all. When Patton started sobbing in earnest against his shirt, he gripped somehow tighter. And when that crying eventually tapered out into tiny whimpers, his hand on Patton’s back moved in wide circles, nails scratching softly down the ridges of his spine. And when fifteen minutes had passed, and Morality was finally soothed, he still made no moves to let go.

Patton heaved a breath full of shuddering relief, laying his head down against Remus’ chest and listening to the erratic and rhythmless beat of his heart(s?). What little energy he had on the reserves left him, leaving him limp against the intrusive side. 

“You good now, Morey?”

Patton blinked drearily, hardly aware that he’d closed his eyes before he was prying them open again.

“I think so,” he tilted his face, a weary smile on his lips. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Remus lifted an arm to ruffle his hand through Patton’s curls, smirking.

There were a few minutes of quiet as Patton caught his breath, and eventually pulled away of his own accord. He pushed himself onto his knees and stood, hearing a few joints creak and pop in protest as he stretched. He swayed on his feet, his limbs staticky from how long he’d been in that less-than-ideal cuddling position. 

Cuddling. Which was what Patton had just done. With Remus. The weirdness of that was just starting to catch up to him, there. 

Remus stayed on the floor, stretched his arms above his head, and cracked his knuckles with sick popping sounds as he did. He proceeded to do the same for all of his limbs and joints, bending some of them backwards for good measure. Patton looked away, but Remus really didn’t seem to be trying to upset him; it just looked like habit. 

“Well, this was nice,” Remus gave a final, crackling stretch. “Aside from the crying, I mean.”

“I’m sorry, I-”

Remus waved his hand dismissively, hopping to his feet. 

“Don’t sweat it. It’s good to get the eyes pissing when you’re feeling rough,” he (sort of) comforted. Patton shifted from foot to foot, humming in vague agreement as Remus found his way to the door. Most every word on the tip of his tongue was another kind of apology, and it was only with difficulty that he could swallow them back. 

“Thank you,” Patton muttered, “Again.” 

“Anytime!” He threw the door open, catching the frame with his claws. He tossed a glance over his shoulder and a wide, inviting smile split his face. “And I  _ do  _ mean that, ya know.”

And with that, Remus was gone.

Patton hovered in the center of his room, staring at the closed door. 

It was so  _ empty  _ now, even with all his clutter. 

He shuffled over to his bed as the exhaustion hit him, falling into the plush mattress adorned with stuffed-animals and pillows. Hesitantly, he drew his arms around his middle, hugging himself as tight as he could.

Everywhere he pressed his fingers, the skin burned and prickled with lingering heat. He missed the touch already, but even the ghost of it filled him with relief. Patton exhaled, slow and steady, as he leaned back into his pillows. He felt better than he ever had after one of his meltdowns. 

He typically dealt with them alone (he wasn't even sure if anyone other than Roman or Janus knew he  _ had  _ meltdowns, thanks to the wedding ordeal), and they always left him feeling cold and hollow. But this, this safety he felt, the cozy dreariness lulling him- it was cathartic. The change of pace was welcomed.

Patton’s eyes fluttered shut, and he sighed. Who knew- maybe he’d wake up to find a pile of dead mice under his bed in the morning, or a horse’s head beside his pillow, or a thick coat of effluvia all over his plushies. Maybe there would be something to indicate that the comfort had been a trick, just another way for Remus to sneak something disgusting into his room as a prank. But something told Patton that the chance of that happening wasn’t all that likely. 

Remus was, after all, very unpredictable.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton was consumed by- guilt? Well, he wouldn't call it guilt, the word made him sick to his stomach, which was exactly how he already felt about the whole ordeal but- well anyway, he was consumed by *something*. The something reasoned, desperately, that after he had taken so much advantage of Remus' comfort, it was the least he could do to try to extend similar affection and understanding right back. It was not only *fair*, but long, long overdue. But that was much easier said than done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i'm going to try and pull together some things to say about this chapter- E S S E N T I A L L Y, I'm going to project on to Remus and Patton for the next couple thousand words, and y'all have to deal with it. Also Patton's internal monologue is like eternally looping and very depressing he is a Bog of a character to write but i cannot resist.  
> -WJ

Patton woke up the next morning to find not a single disgusting token hiding away in his room, and that was after half an hour of semi-paranoid investigation. While he  _ did  _ find a patch or two of what looked like shedded dog’s hair and a snapped nail, they were scattered on the carpet as though left by accident. He already knew that Remus’ body was naturally more of a debris-machine than that of a scrappy pet, occasionally shedding off parts of his body like a constantly regenerating zombie. He decided then that Remus hadn’t been secretly trying to prank him, after all.

Now, being the embodiment of emotions, Patton was almost always spot-on identifying which emotions were which. That was why he could say, with perfect certainty, he had never quite had this mix of emotions before. And if he was honest, he didn’t really want to think about it enough to learn; he didn’t want to think about the night before at  _ all _ .

Pushing the events out of his mind ( _ not repression! _ He argued to himself,  _ just thinking about something else for a while! _ ), Patton carried on with his morning routine.That always took exceeding amounts of time, anyway, thanks to the numerous distracting things littering his room. What could have taken fifteen minutes was usually closer to an hour or so, but that was why Patton got up early! 

Well, that, and the fact that he usually didn’t sleep very well, but he preferred to not focus on that. 

That day, Patton decided, was not to be one for focusing on anything bad. He’d had a rough night, oh sure, but he’d woken up more refreshed than expected and was still riding the high of physical affection (despite its questionable source). He could feel that good, excited mood he had on occasion lifting him, and such an energy was just what he needed to go downstairs, start his day, and try to convince Logan into finally letting him help cook. 

Logan never agreed, of course, because he was the only side that had any skill in preparing food. But Patton never stopped trying, his fiery history with the kitchen notwithstanding!

Patton rose up in the living room, instinctively at his usual place. He took a second to appreciate the trinkets, odds and ends, and personal effects littered around the room. That kind of personality-infused mess always made him feel strangely fond. Reflective, even, upon how and why each item had come to lay where it was just then.

The smell of fresh food and the crackling of a skillet got him quickly back on track, though. Grinning, Patton made for the kitchen. 

“Morning, Logan!” He greeted him in cheer.

Logan startled, spinning on his heel a bit too fast. He didn’t share Patton’s positivity, no, he looked worried. 

“Patton! How are you ‘holding up’, as they say, this morning?” He said softly, like if he thought a loud voice could break something now. Patton cringed.

“Oh, I’m doing fine!” Memories of the night before pushed against his skull, and it was everything he could do to beat them back. But he was good at that sort of thing. “How are you?”

It was an obvious redirection. Logan pressed further:

“You sank out so abruptly last night. The others were-  _ we  _ were all concerned for your wellbeing,” he glanced away, chewing the inside of his lip. “That, and… Virgil informed me that, before he went to bed, he saw Remus leaving your room,” Logan’s voice dropped, “He didn’t upset you in any way, I hope?”

“No!” The exclamation burst forth from Patton with a ferocity he didn’t know he had. It was defensive even to his own ears, and he flushed in embarrassment. “I mean, no, he didn’t upset me! We were just-”  _ cuddling? _ “-talking.”

Logan tipped his head sideways, disbelief obvious on him.

“...Talking?” 

“Yup, talking!” 

“You were talking to Remus?”

Patton pouted performatively, setting a hand on his hip as he doubled down.

“Of course I was, Logan! He’s an interesting fella, you know.”

“I know that,” Logan rolled his eyes, “I didn’t know  _ you _ got along with him at all, however.” 

Patton- to both his own  _ and  _ Logan’s surprise- didn’t say anything at all to that. He barely nodded before he left the kitchen, calling out an excuse that he forgot as soon as it was out anyway. It was almost  _ rude _ , and he knew he’d be dreadfully ashamed of it later. What was another little regret on the pile after all?

Logan had things to attend to, and Patton didn’t want to hang around and distract anyhow. At least, that was a good enough excuse for him to use as he sped out of the kitchen to find his next distraction. 

Patton put the talk with Logan out of his mind without any trouble. His plans for a good day would not be so easily foiled by one concerned friend- who really had no reason to be concerned in the first place, in Patton’s humble opinion. Besides, breakfast with everyone was still nice! He’d gotten roped into a very enthusiastic conversation with Roman- one that got as increasingly loud, as was usual for the two- and when Remus joined in, it wasn’t too terribly awkward anymore. 

The rest of the morning was inoffensive, if a bit slow-going as Patton got all his work done. The afternoon was much the same, but he did get to spend a while with Virgil! (Who must’ve heard from Logan not to ask about the night before, mercifully). 

Evening rolled around, though, and with it Patton found that he’d made short work of his jobs. With the deficit of busy-work, it really couldn’t be helped if his mind started to wander- and what a dangerous thing that could be.

It was hard  _ not  _ to think of Remus. To not recall the… the  _ softness  _ with which he had treated Patton, something that the intrusive side hadn’t even seemed capable of before that. He’d been downright empathetic, and Patton still didn’t know how to take that. He’d done nothing to earn that kindness, not really, and certainly not from Remus of all people. He wasn’t sweet, or considerate, and calling him sentimental sounded like a joke more than anything.

‘Sounded like’, there was the key word, Patton mused. However long he spent thinking it over, it became more and more clear that this was yet another thing he’d misunderstood. 

Months ago only, he’d honestly believed that none of Remus’ suggestions could be genuine attempts to contribute, and now he helped them balance almost all their creative works as part of the team. He’d proven at every turn that he was honest, yes, but he was not shallow, and Patton knew he’d only just scratched the surface of Creativity. 

But that was besides the point. It was besides the point and Patton didn’t want to think about how little he knew. 

The  _ point _ was, he wanted to learn. He had to. Even if it proved him wrong about everything-  _ especially  _ then!

So there Patton stood, shifting from foot to foot, Remus’ door staring him in the face. He was stalling, he knew, but his fraught thoughts also knew his intentions were not for self-improvement alone. He wanted to repay Remus, repay him for the strange and gentle and impossibly amazing comfort he’d given to him. He’d given him what he’d been missing- affection, willing affection- but what did Patton have to offer in return?

That was the scary part. Thinking of what he’d be asked to do.

But he still had to reach out and risk it. He had to  _ know.  _

Patton raised his hand, shaking, tilted back to knock. And there the hand hovered, untouching the splintering and algae-covered wood. It was almost like the underside of a boardwalk, stinking like ocean and stained green from years of salt water exposure. Would it hurt to touch, Patton wondered? Would the wood break off into his hand, or would it come away slick, slimy?

He ducked his head with a huff; that kind of disgust was completely unfair to the creature he was trying to reach out to, and he knew it. He didn’t have the energy for this; Patton wrapped against the door thrice in quick succession despite the nagging of his instincts (it  _ was  _ slimy, and rough as well. His head ticked to the side at the disturbing texture). The knocks rang out, and then there was an abrupt stillness in the whole of the hallway, like all life had stopped at once. This was true for Patton, at least; he held his breath, balled his fists, and it seemed he was standing stiller than he ever had before. 

From the other side of the door, there was muttering. It was frantic, but not upset, and one voice alone. A lot of things happened very quickly after that:

First, the door slammed inwards, no one on the other side of it. Naturally Patton leaned to look inside, and as well as he had- ragged claws sank into his shoulders, a shrill noise rang in his ear, and he was spun around. Screaming, Patton toppled backwards and landed flat in the threshold to Remus’ room.

Speaking of Remus, the creature himself was looming over Patton, his skin rippling with bumps and ridges and colors like a continual shapeshift. He had his arms raised, his mouth opened hugely; it looked like a soundless laugh. 

But he glanced down at Patton, then- trembling, whimpering Patton- and his eyes widened in recognition. At once his skin smoothed over and returned to its usual color, his jaw snapping back into place. 

“Oh!” Remus reached down and hauled Patton back to his feet with a strained huff. “I didn’t mean to scare  _ you _ . Logan’s the only one who seriously knocks for me, cuz he’s all polite and shit.”

Patton righted himself, trying very hard to stop shaking. After a deep breath, he said:

“Oh,  _ haah _ , it’s okay!” He pulled his sleeves taut, with a smile to match. “I just wouldn’t want to interrupt you, if you were busy.”

Remus shrugged, cocking his hip. 

“Oh, I bet you wouldn’t,” a smirk then split his face, and he winked. “But you should know I don’t mind anybody walking in on me,  _ Daddy _ .”

Patton nodded quick, having no idea what (if anything) he was agreeing to, when in reality he was Very Uncomfortable with All of those words. He tried for a laugh, but at the same moment a deeply horrifying growl decided to erupt from behind him. He realized that he did not want to have his back to Remus’ room for even another second. 

“Uh- could we-?” 

Remus caught his meaning, stepping deftly around Patton and into his doorway. It was almost a twirl when he switched their positions, aided by the fact that he always moved like water.

“Right!” He clapped his hands together, “What was it you wanted, Pops?”

Oh, yes. That. 

Patton didn’t meet the Duke’s eyes at all, the words lumped together on the tip of his tongue. Why did this feel so embarrassing?

“I was wondering if we could spend some time together?” 

Remus’ eyebrows went way up on his forehead, and his face split in a downright  _ sultry  _ grin that had Patton red-faced and abashed.

“Not like- I’m not- I meant, like, an  _ activity _ -” Remus’ smile widened, “-No, um, something fun! Not that that wouldn’t- well, I just don’t like-” 

Remus erupted in laughter, throwing his head back not unlike a shrill bird.

“Oh, I’m just fucking with you. No, really, what’s up?” 

Patton frowned.

“I wanted to know if we could hang out. That’s what I was trying to say?”

Remus gave a derisive little sound, and his nose scrunched.

“Wait, wait, wait,” he propped his arm against the doorframe, his gaze boring into Patton. “You were being  _ serious _ ? I figured you needed me to help with, like, chores or something!” 

Before Patton could even respond, Remus snapped the door shut behind himself and dipped into the hallway. 

“So, what? You wanna bake cookies or some shit? That could be fun, but there  _ will  _ be fire and broken glass if I’m involved. Or- you like those zen coloring books, right? Although, the adult coloring books I use are much more emphasized on the  _ adult _ , you know, and vulgar-”

Patton shook his head sharply, and- gathering some courage- placed his hand on Remus’ arm to halt him. 

“Um,” he said, “I was thinking that we could do something  _ you  _ like to do, actually.” 

Remus stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he’d been touched, looking at Patton like he’d sprouted another head. He tried out several different expressions, like he was trying to see what reaction they’d garner- first amusement, then happiness, then offense- but he finally settled on plain confusion. It looked the most genuine.

“Are you joking?” He asked, the question laced with a striking sincerity. Patton wasn’t sure if what he was feeling was dread or guilt, but either way he let go of the Duke’s wrist. 

“Of course I'm not!” He enthused-  _ tried  _ to enthuse. 

There was a beat. 

Remus, for once, looked uncomfortable; fidgeting his hands, arms, tapping his foot.

“ _ Really _ ?” 

“Really really!” And Patton really really hoped that this exchange could be over, so that he could get on with this- he meant!! Um! So that he could have a  _ nice time  _ with someone who had been  _ nice _ to him. (Oh, what was wrong with him?)

Remus tipped his head to the side. He hummed.

“This is because of yesterday?” That hit the nail right on its head, yup. Patton winced. “I told you not to worry about all that. You don’t really  _ want  _ to do this, you know, and that’s obvious to both of us.  _ My _ idea of fun isn’t nearly as conservative as  _ yours _ , Pops.”

Patton felt a stab of offense at ‘conservative’. He dropped his smile.

“I- look, Remus,” a sigh, “You didn’t have to help me yesterday, but you did, and… I still don’t know why. And I don’t really know why I’m here right now, either, or what I’m doing with you. I barely know anything about you!” Patton shook his head, but an indignant conviction was filling up his chest. He met Remus’ eyes, steady. “But I  _ do  _ know that we never let you pick what to watch on movie night. I know we don’t always listen to what you suggest on really important projects, even though that’s your  _ job _ . I know we- that  _ I _ try so hard not to make things about you, even nowadays. That’s gotta get, um, disheartening, right?” Remus tilted his head, but Patton didn’t wait for an answer. “And that’s why I’m here. So whatever you like doing, you don’t have to do it alone- like how you didn’t leave  _ me  _ alone. And…” He knotted his hands together in front of him, shoulders low. “I can figure out the rest later.” 

He meant it. He was surprised by how much he meant it, having no idea where it had all come from. It didn’t erase his nerves, his discomfort, even his disgust, but he stood there and he honestly hoped that soon he wouldn’t have a reason to feel any of those things with the darker side of Creativity. He wanted to understand, if only he could know  _ how _ . And maybe, that creature before him, smarter than he probably seemed, would show him how. 

Remus was silent for a long, long while. His face was blank, expressionless. He wasn’t grinning, and there was nothing glinting mischievously behind his eyes; his nose wasn’t bunched in a snarl, there was no show of huge and horrible fangs, and he wasn’t moving.

It was the most intimidating he’d ever been.

“You don’t have to do that,” and Remus’ voice was  _ soft _ . It was almost unreal to hear it that way, his accent not fit for that kind of volume.

But Patton was emotions, and emotions knew at a glance what awe sounded like- what hope sounded like. It was shocking to hear them from Remus, but Patton knew the shock was good. He’d been right- right about initially being wrong, right that Remus had more to him than his outside. He was right, and now he needed to know more of him. 

Patton smiled, sincerely, and for once he knew exactly what to say. 

“I know I don’t have to,” he admitted, “But I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to.”

Remus tilted his head one way, then the other, and back again. Slowly, he returned the smile, and it grew to look much more like his usual beam. He darted past Patton, swung his door open, and strode inside. 

“Watch your step,” he warned, “The floor isn’t entirely dead yet!”

Patton, amazing himself, hardly hesitated to follow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am once again asking for you to give me feedback and comment 0^0  
> -WJ


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Remus share... well, not a "nice" evening, but an evening spent together nonetheless. 
> 
> It's a start. Maybe even a promising one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had wayyy too much fun with this fricken chapter! Looking at what the next few have in store, this one's actually pretty fluffy... and yes, that is very much a threat >;3  
> -WJ

Patton stood in the center of Remus’ room, waiting patiently while the being darted this way and that. Maybe he should’ve sat down, but none of the furniture in the room looked domesticated enough. Maybe he should’ve moved out of the way, at the very least, but the edges of the room rolled and moved and Patton did not want to know what made the corners seem so indefinite.

Remus moved in repetitions. First, he would reach into some shelf or jar or receptacle (or, on occasion, stick his hand right through the wall)- retrieving some item large or small- and hold it in his claws. He would then turn it over in his hands, and smell/lick/poke it. Each time he’d deem it not what he was looking for, drop it- never in the same place that he’d gotten it from- and then move on again. Around and around he went in the room, doing the same thing on each cycle. 

Patton was starting to get dizzy watching it, honestly. 

Remus stopped in front of his closet this time, and leaned in. He rummaged, loudly, but this time there was a shout of “Aha!” that made Patton start in surprise.

“What-!” He cleared his throat, “What did you find?”

Remus jumped to his feet, shimmying his shoulders back and forth. A loud clatter followed each movement, like legos in a barrel. When Patton tried to see what he had, though, he turned his back to him again. 

“I found something to do that won’t traumatize you!” He sing-songed, dancing around and keeping up the clamor of his mystery object. Patton laughed, light and surprised, trying again to take a look. Again, Remus danced ridiculously out of the way.

“Well, that’s very considerate of you," he trailed behind the source of the noise, smiling, “Mind telling me what it is?” 

“What’s it sound like?” Remus shook the box again. Although- Patton could see now that it wasn’t a box as much as it was a case; a very, very large and heavy-looking case, half the size of Remus’ torso. 

“Um- bean bag filling?”

Remus cackled, his head tipping side to side.

“Nope! I’m pretty sure I would’ve eaten it by now!”

“Uh- _ huh _ ,” Patton couldn’t help giggling to himself, as Remus’ laughter- along with many things about him- was infectious. “Is it a box full of maracas?”

Remus bounced on his heels, shook his head. Patton didn’t waste time guessing again. He knew just what an impatient Creativity looked like, and so he waited the last few moments before Remus couldn’t help turning around on his own and happily displaying the container. 

Cradled in the Duke’s arms was the enormous case of clear-plastic, filled to the brim with what Patton could now see were pony beads. The beads came in every color thinkable- plenty of varieties, too. Glitter, metallic, letters, star-shaped, heart-shaped, tooth-shaped, et cetera et cetera! There were also, of course, spools of elastic. And charms, metal or rubber, plenty of those for decorating.

Patton examined this carefully, as a cautious excitement warmed him through his chest. He looked from the case to Remus, finding the side grinning proudly up at him. 

“Bracelets?” Patton questioned.

“Bracelets!” Remus answered.

He was caught off-guard by such a wholesome hobby, he couldn’t lie, but Remus showed no signs that any of this was odd at all. As he wandered across his room, kicking heaps of trash and laundry out of the way to make room for them to sit, Patton found himself following his lead without much debate. 

“I know you like to make those little thread ones,” Remus sat down on the floor, gesturing loosely to Patton’s arm, “And I make these beady things every now and then, so.” 

“But I’ve never seen you wear any?” He sat down across from Remus, folding his legs beneath himself. The carpet was stained with many unpleasant colors- mostly dark red, and an upsetting amount of yellowed-gray. He was careful to avoid those patches. 

“I wear ‘em under my sleeves, for when I wanna play with them. Making them gives me something to do with my hands, I guess,” Remus slid his fingers under the ruffled cuff of his sleeve, slipping a bracelet off his wrist. He held it up, displaying its murky green and black beads, the word ‘ _ vomit _ ’ spelled out with square beads in the middle of it. 

“Oh!” Patton reached forward in excitement, rolling the plastic between his fingers. It felt smooth, movements fluid, the beads rattling pleasantly against each other. “You use them to stim?”

Something in Remus’ expression lit up like fluorescents, replacing his usual unnerving mania with a flash of genuine excitement. 

“I use  _ everything  _ I wear to stim, Daddio,” he gestured first to his frayed sash, then the teeth sewn into his shirt, and onto the layers of glittered fabric. He was _ covered _ in flashing colors and textured fabrics and different parts, all apparently intentionally placed.

That spark of similarity was all it took for Patton to forget the vestiges of his awkwardness, as he let go of Remus’ bracelet and yet again laughed.

He helped Remus set up the case, slotting the different sections of it out and setting them down in between themselves. There were so many, and once it was all set, Remus wasted no time in getting to work. The motions he went through were practiced, well-worn with almost nothing other than muscle memory and a vague sense of design. 

Just like that, they were both quiet again- Remus because of his focus, Patton because he lacked the words to say. He tried to follow the other side’s lead, snipping a bit of elastic off a thick spool from the center of the case and grabbing a handful of beads, haphazardly.

Opening up his hand to look at the selection, he found a few neon pink ones, reds shaped like anatomically accurate hearts, and an oblong metal charm that bore striking resemblance to a-

Oh! 

He tossed that one back, feeling flustered. 

They’d both been quiet for too long, he realized. He didn’t know what to say, still, came the dawning fear next. Patton looked up from his work, mouth falling open without any plan, to find that Remus was already staring at him. Intently.

“Hi,” Patton blurted.

“Do you like music?” Remus said it at almost the same time as him, the words chasing each other. In his voice was a trace of awkwardness- not nearly as much as Patton’s, but it was  _ there _ , and that was… comforting, somehow. 

He looked down at his hands, looping a few pink beads down his string. 

“What kind?”

Remus hummed confusedly, giving the distinct impression that he’d forgotten music came in different varieties. 

“Most kinds!” He began, “But today, I think I’m feeling violent- violent in a cute way, don’t worry,” he smiled, too, like that made sense at all, like he was trying to be persuasive. It was- what, endearing? Or at the very least it was funny. 

Patton smiled back, his hands twisting around his string.

“Whatever you want, bud.”

Remus had summoned a speaker already, but as he leaned over to place it he dropped it with a weighty thump. Patton jumped, seeing Remus sitting slack-jawed in surprise across from him. Concern filled his head, but then it clicked.

He’d never called him anything so…  _ friendly. _

“Oh- Remus, I-”

“It’s fine!” Remus scrambled to grab the speaker, claws skidding off it more than once. “Call me whatever! I don’t care!”

But his voice was a little too pitchy, and his pupils a bit too dilated, and Patton thought that he did care- that he in fact cared very much. 

When music filled the room, painfully loud at first, Patton said nothing. He watched Remus, twisting the volume knob in a very focused manner, and he felt warm. 

The sounds weren’t what he was used to, to say the least, but it was almost nice. Everything was a little too noisy, and a little too vulgar, and a  _ lot  _ too foul, but beneath it all he could see the appeal. He listened to it, and it seemed almost like he was learning. Patton scooped up another set of beads- this time with a bit more care- threaded them together contentedly. 

It felt like Remus was really trying to be hospitable. He wasn’t doing too bad of a job about it, either- which was more than Patton could say about himself, in years past. A  _ lot  _ more, actually. 

Remus’ voice broke through the music: “What are you thinking about?”

Patton blinked, smiling up at his maybe-sort-of-potential friend. 

“What do you mean?”

Remus’ face was angled down towards his project, contorted with concentration.

“You’re thinking about something. You make less noise than a day-old corpse when you get caught up in your head.”

“Oh!” Was he really that easy to read? Wait, don’t answer that… “It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.”

“C’mon, don’t do  _ that _ . Take it from me- reigning champion in thinking about upsetting shit- talking about it is how you make sure your brain doesn’t devour itself Ouroboros-style.”

And Patton said, quietly:

“Yeah, but your upsetting thoughts don’t upset  _ you _ .”

“Who said they don’t?” Remus sounded confused- genuinely, sincerely confused. Patton winced, taken aback by his own insensitivity. 

“Oh my goodness, it- I had no idea, I’m so sorry.” 

Remus’ confusion mounted.

“That’s alright?” He started, “I’m used to it all, I know how to handle it. Which is why, I was going to say, if you keep it all up here-” he tapped his head, a faint rattling resulted in it, “-then all your brains are gonna goosh out from your ears and eyes and nose from the stress! Probably.”

“I-” his voice wobbled, “I know.”

There was a beat.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” it wasn’t a question, but it was soft enough to sound like one. Patton refused to look up anyway, hands pulling taut the elastic of his bracelet. His eyes slipped closed for merely a moment, and he sighed.

“I can’t stop feeling guilty around you… but that’s just _ my _ problem, okay?”

Remus’ reaction was unexpected, even for him. He breathed out slow, exhaustion crawling down his face in such a foreign expression for him. His lips were quirked down in a half-scowl. 

“I make you uncomfortable, yeah?” He rolled his eyes, gesturing with his free hand. “This was  _ your  _ idea, you know. You can leave anytime you want,  _ I’m  _ sure as fuck not gonna think you’re rude- you think I’m in a place to judge people?” 

With a sudden intake of breath, Patton twisted his partially made bracelet around his hand and pulled it taught, startled and fidgeting. 

“What-? No! You aren’t the problem, Remus,  _ I  _ am,” he shook his head in bewilderment, “I don’t- I have no idea how to talk to you, but I know that I  _ do  _ want to! Everything you’ve done today makes me want to talk to you more, and I still can’t figure out how, and I- I’m sorry. I can’t get over the- well, the  _ everything _ , Remus.”

There was an uncomfortable pause. Remus looked oddly vacant.

“Do you-” He stopped short.

“I should-” Patton cut off. 

This was a bad idea. It was a bad idea and he never should have done this and he never should have accepted Remus’ help in the first place. He wasn’t going to get the hang of this no matter how hard he tried, and now he’d somehow rendered  _ Remus  _ speechless, which clearly meant he’d messed up beyond what he thought possible. Patton hadn’t changed a bit, still so ungrateful and insensitive to this creature, who’d so selflessly helped him and held him and. And.

He felt sick. 

“It’s not your fault?” Remus’ words came out like a question. “I don’t know what you’re apologizing for, actually. Or why you’re doing that.”

Patton dropped the last few beads onto place, staring blankly at the untied jewelry in his hands. He counted the beads. Tried to breathe. 

“I’m sorry because you think that I don’t like you.”

Remus snorted. 

“You don’t like me.”

“Wh- yes, I do!”

“Oh, do you? Or do you like that I did something nice for you, and you think you need to pay it forward.”

Patton ground his teeth, indignant. No, he was confused about a lot of things, but this much he knew wasn’t the reality anymore.

“You know what? Maybe that was true, when I first decided I ‘had’ to do this, but I’ve done a lot of thinking- I can’t stop thinking about you, actually. I had so many ideas about what you were, what you meant, and it’s hard to understand that for thirty years-  _ thirty years _ \- I was wrong,” Patton set his jaw so tight it hurt. “But I’m going to understand it because I can see that you’re- you can be kind. You did a nice thing for me and you didn’t have to. You’re funny, too, I never thought you’d make me laugh, but you-”

Remus interrupted him with a snort. And then, he was cackling, doubled over and wheezing and Patton had no choice but to wait for him to finish. 

“Stop, fuck, stop talking,” Remus giggled, “I knew you were a himbo, but  _ wow, dumb _ . You’re really beating yourself up about this, huh?” Remus had his chin resting on his hand, leaning forwards with half-lidded eyes and a lazy grin. “You don’t have to list all the reasons you should like me. You don’t owe me anything, and I like it that way.” 

Patton didn’t respond. Remus continued anyway. 

“I let you cry on me cuz you were having a meltdown. That’s just what people  _ do _ . You’d do it- you’re way more cuddly and lovey-dovey than me, you’d do it for anybody. Anybody would do it for anybody. It doesn’t matter, Pops.”

Patton tied the knot of his bracelet,  _ finally _ . looped the string over itself thrice and tightened it well. The backs of his eyes stung.

“Is it really so bad that I want to try being friends with you? Is that really so stupid?”

Remus’ expression cleared, the words not yet processed. Slowly, his mouth twisted, his eyes went just a bit wide, all in a look that shouted something like _epiphany_. He sunk his teeth into his lip. 

Remus snapped the bracelet he’d made with his claw, letting the beads scatter across the floor. He dove forward for the case, scooping up a new set, and got to work. He ordered them strategically, fixing them all into a line and moving so quickly that Patton realized he’d only been working so slowly before so that he was matching Patton’s own pace.

He was done in a minute or less, tying it off and slicing off the excess elastic.

“Arm, gimme.”

Patton felt a small rush of surprise, not even hesitating to stick his wrist out and let Remus push the bracelet up past his hand. The touch was gentle, letting the accessory fall into place on his arm.

It was bright and neon- more so than anything Patton would ever wear, usually. The colors were an eyesore, but they were. Well. Teal, white, interspersed with occasional green, and that said more about the jewelry than however saturated it was. There were unique beads dotted throughout, too- teddy bears and hearts. It was cute. It was comfortable.

Patton glanced up, so many things that he thought he should say but none of them came to fruition. Remus’ eyes bored into him with their intensity, questioning and fierce and almost confused.

Patton picked up his own small creation. It was pink and gray and white, all pastel and pretty, with metal charms that were cool to the touch. He nudged it over to Remus, fully aware that it contrasted with the side’s aesthetic even more than Remus’ gift did for him, and that he already had so very many.

But Remus didn’t hesitate either, shoving his sleeve up and adding the new piece to his collection. He grinned. 

And, as cheery as he ever sounded, like nothing odd had happened at all, Remus said:

“We should do this again sometime, then. Maybe I’ll even make you something with  _ real  _ hearts!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't stop writing fun dialogue between these two someone help, i forget to set the scene the second these fuckers interact becuz i just want them to say words to each other more. Anyways... don't forget to comment, cuz i really appreciate them!!  
> -WJ


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus does something bad. Patton, to anyone's surprise but his own, does something worse. Both shatter trust like it's made of fine china, and they are bulls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO this is a shorter chapter, obviously, and I think in that case it's only fair that chapter five will be out earlier than my usual two weeks (and also because the nature of this chapter is.... more cliff-hanger-y, than the others ;3). Plus, I was crying while I was writing it, so letting it linger just feels like cruelty imo!   
> Enjoy, and see you soooon <3  
> -WJ

Patton had learned, in his many years of emotion-filled life, that every person interacted with others uniquely. An obvious thing to learn, maybe, but in his younger years he felt like it really wasn’t made clear enough.

When it finally hit Patton that other people didn’t feel things in just the same way he did, it came with slow disbelief. Shocked was he to learn that not only were people so  _ vastly  _ different inside, but that  _ he _ might’ve been one of the most different of all- even with the other sides. After all, each of them had seemed to understand all their differences like it was second nature, while Patton tried to come to terms with the information.

And come to terms with it he had, throughout Thomas’ late teens to early twenties. It was just Patton’s nature to try and learn about his friends, and that didn’t change when the task got harder. If anything, he’d become furiously determined to know how to care for all his family better than anyone, even if it more than once sent him spiralling in thought. 

Logan, for example, was at his best when he was around other people; calmly talking, debating, doing work in the same space, anything that amounted to time spent together. So, even when Patton didn’t know what he was going on about, he did his best to at least be someone Logan could talk  _ at _ . Which must’ve have worked somehow, because Patton couldn’t even count the times anymore he’d realized it had been hours after starting a conversation with his best friend, the both of them grinning and talking and enjoying each other’s company. Color Logan understood!

Roman, an even easier case to crack, didn’t really care what kind of attention he got- as long as it was positive. Which Patton was of course happy to provide! Though Roman became easily suspicious of any signs of friendship, Patton liked to think he’d weaseled his way into being a close companion, if the amount of times Roman dragged him off on adventures was any indication. Roman, too, was a check! 

Virgil had been harder to figure out; not enough support and he got nervous, too much and he’d get overwhelmed. Fine balances did not come easily to Patton, so there had been more than a little trial and error. He’d eventually landed on treating him not unlike a wild cat: to just exist in the same space and let Virgil do whatever he wanted in his own time (a method that had found resounding success!). Virgil, much as he wanted to seem mysterious, was also marked off the list of understanding. 

Janus was deceptively easy to work out. He just needed someone to challenge him, all in good sport, to be friendly and frustrating at the same time. Call it environmental enrichment, but with people! Patton was more than happy to be one of those people, pushing and pulling in equal parts banter and genuine conversation. Janus, surprisingly, was clear as well. 

Patton wondered if it was weird to think about it so much. He thought about all of them, and he wondered if they took time to decode him, too. Or maybe they just knew already- they saw the heart on his sleeve (or chest, as it were) and had him all figured out right then.

He liked to believe they did spend time thinking about it, though. It was nice to think he wasn’t the only one that cared enough to take the time, and he knew that they cared about him already! Even if they didn’t say it as much as he did, even if they showed it all differently, and even if sometimes it felt like they didn’t understand him… 

They still  _ cared _ . The hoodie around his shoulders said so. The card framed on his wall said so. The stray dog dander on his clothes said so. So long as he had that, who needed the luxury of understanding?

Patton shook his head, no, he wasn’t worrying about all them right now. Right  _ now _ , there was someone else to worry about.

Remus. Remus, who always chatted on and on, but sometimes went dead quiet for no reason at all; whose expression never seemed to match his words, who laughed when he was happy and when he was angry, who yelled when he was bored and when he was overwhelmed. Remus, who threw himself around a corner for a cheap jumpscare every five minutes, limbs broken and wrapped in ragged, punk-style clothes. Who would  _ also _ drape himself all the way across Patton gently and calmly, wearing something baggy and impossibly soft (but still neon as ever), talking and talking and acting like it was all perfectly normal. Remus, who Patton wasn’t even sure  _ was  _ officially his friend yet.

Patton wanted him to be. But there was still…  _ something _ in the way. Some kind of frustrating, tense, unknowable barrier that left him on edge around the trait. If Remus could just  _ tell  _ him something, anything, or give him any hints at all about what Patton was supposed to make of him, then it wouldn’t be so downright impossible. But he was inscrutable, an open book written in a language Patton didn’t know.

Whenever Remus walked into the room, it was almost like nothing had even changed since his acceptance. 

Speaking of-

Patton barely had time to dodge out of the way as Remus leapt onto the couch, landing in a sprawl and taking up as much space as possible. He looked out of breath, so he’d probably booked it down the hallway and stairs, too. Just as probable was him having no reason for doing so at all. 

“Hello,” Patton said.

Remus, from his laid down position, arched his neck up until he was peering upside-down at Morality. He had a reserved look in his eyes, but it was obvious he was fighting not to grin. 

“Guess what I did.”

Patton paused. There were… a lot of ways that could go. Most of them weird.

“Um-”

Remus made a disturbingly accurate buzzer noise, exclaiming, “Took too long!”. He flipped over onto his stomach and propped himself up on his palms, his legs draped over the arm of the couch, and rocked back and forth excitedly. “I made you something!” 

The worry slipped out of Patton’s mind, replaced by curiosity. He hummed, smiling, and asked:

“Like a gift?” 

Remus beamed.

“Something like that!”

As Patton laughed by response, he ran his thumb compulsively over his bead bracelet (that he hadn’t taken off even once since getting, of course). 

“That’s so sweet!” he chirped, “You didn’t have to do that.”

The Duke puffed out a breath, ruffling the white section of his hair. He rolled his eyes and shifted around, pushing up until he sat upright. 

“Yeah, I  _ know _ . Haven’t we done this dance before, Morey?”

“Okay, okay, I know,” Patton shrugged, his expression turning sheepish, “What is it, then?”

Remus’ grin widened in that almost impossibly way of his, and something about the glint of his teeth was distinctly threatening. It probably wasn’t intentional, but Patton could never really tell, when his claws tapped impatiently against his leg and something mischievous wormed into his expression.

“Well, you have to close your eyes, first!” Remus clapped his hands together, and there that glint seemed to get brighter.

“Oh, uh-”

“It’s not gonna be my dick, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Patton yelped, covering his face with his hands in embarrassment. 

“Well I wasn’t worried  _ before  _ you said that!”

Remus shrieked with laughter. Patton didn’t move his hands from his cheeks, a flush of discomfort starting at his ears and pricking his skin. 

“You’re hilarious, but no- not this time, at least,” -Remus winked- “But just close your eyes, okay?”

Patton took a couple deep breaths, glancing up to give Remus his best approximation of a stern glare. He then let his hands drop to his lap, palms up, and squeezed his eyes shut. 

There was a soft  _ whoosh _ , and something small was dropped into Patton’s waiting hands. He ran the pad of his thumb over its surface, tracing something like fur. Soft, short fur, but when he pressed it was far too stiff to be a plush animal. 

“Remus,” Patton felt along the object with both hands, jolting when he felt something scaly at the end, “What-”

“You can look now!”

Patton did as told, staring down at his lap. 

There laid a rat. 

A dead one, to be precise. A dead, taxidermized rat, posed up on its hind legs like some goofy little cartoon character. It’s eyes were impersonal glass orbs, but its skin was perfectly, horribly _real_.

Patton looked up, his eyes wide with disgust, to see unfiltered excitement shining on Remus’ face. 

“I made it myself!” His pride echoed in the words, that grin stretching his lips looking all the more unnatural.

It was then that Patton’s body caught up with his brain, and he realized what exactly he was holding. He dropped it- all but  _ threw  _ it, actually- kicked it and scrambled back and anything to just get  _ away _ . 

The gift fell to the floor with a dull thump, toppling under the coffee table and out of sight. Patton pressed his hand against his mouth, the other one tightly fisted in his lap. He felt sick- sick enough that his brain was leagues away from rationality. Because he’d really touched-  _ held _ \- that corpse, that thing that used to be a cute little critter, what was now a homemade trinket of horror.

He turned his attention back to Remus, and a million thoughts and feelings rushed him. Betrayal, horror, fear- and weirdest of all was  _ surprise _ .

Remus’ smile twitched, and he tipped his head from side to side.

“You dropped it,” he pointed out, “I thought you liked rats?”

The noise Patton made was something between a gasp and a cry. 

“I like a _ live  _ ones!” He exclaimed, pushing himself back until there was a good cushion’s distance between himself and Remus. 

Remus’ smile dipped lower. 

“Well, this way you don’t have to take care of it! It’s all of the cute with none of the trouble!”

“You think this is cute?!” 

He couldn’t believe this was happening, after everything- he hadn’t gotten through to Remus even a little? It was all still a game for him to terrorize Patton? To shove dead things into his lap and laugh about it?

But Remus wasn’t laughing, strangely. In fact, he was very still. 

“You don’t like it?”

In hindsight, Patton would look back on what he said with remorse so strong it gave him headaches. He had scores of memories like that, of course, but this one’s sting would never fade, not even long after they’d moved on from it. But in that moment of fear, of revile, he could not think about anything else but the feeling of being tricked by his almost-friend laying heavy in his stomach. 

“ _ Like  _ it? Is this- are you joking? Remus, you made me touch a dead animal! I thought we were starting to be friends, but- oh my God, what is  _ wrong  _ with you?!”

Patton was sure he stopped breathing right after he said that, his voice choking out. In the silence that followed, you could’ve heard a pin drop. 

Remus stood up, and everything about the way he moved showed a woundedness that didn’t suit him. He looked at Patton with an awful intensity, his ruby-red eyes practically glowing. There was nothing vulnerable about him when he was hurt, nothing at all like how Patton would respond to something like an argument. There was only anger and tension.

He didn’t smile, but his voice stayed pitchy. Gleeful. 

“ _ Everything, _ ” Remus hissed, “I thought you’d catch on before now, but.”

Remus spun on his heel, and the floor beneath him bubbled with oil and acid and plague as he sank into the ground and out of the living room. The carpet shriveled, sick-green, in his wake.

That was when the understanding hit him. A lot like a train. 

“Oh, no,” whispered Patton, “Oh, no.”

Patton struggled to his feet, as if on autopilot. Was he going to go after Remus? No, no, that definitely wouldn’t go over well. He was probably halfway into the Imagination by then, anyway, ready to take his anger out on his creations and not do any talking at all. 

Patton tore his eyes away from the spot where Remus had sunk out, stumbling over to the coffee table instead. He crouched, reached his hand under it, and let his fingers touch the fur of his discarded present. He grabbed it, looked down at it. The wave of nausea when he saw the little rat was now less disgust, and much more regret. 

He cradled the preserved creature in his hands with all the gentleness he could. There was a slip of thick, yellowish paper attached to it, that in all the upset had gone completely unnoticed. It was folded in half, tied with twine to the rat’s neck. 

Patton looked into the rat’s shiny, empty eyes for far too long, watching his reflection be distorted by the spheres. He took a shuddering breath, then, and thumbed the edge of the paper, felt its grain, and flipped it open. 

“ _ This is  _ **_Jenner_ ** _. You can have him, because even if you’re a priss, if you can handle me you can handle having cool shit like this. Plus, you’re weirdly nice to me, so I guess I don’t mind being nicely weird to you. _

_ -R (the funnier one <3)” _

Patton read the note once. Twice. Three, four, maybe six times the words ran over each other in his head.

The paper slipped from his fingers. He held his rat in both hands and stared down its coffee-brown snout. Patton couldn’t help bringing the figurine to his chest and hugging it tightly, like  _ it _ was the thing he’d hurt so badly, serving as surrogate. Its sharp fingers and tail poked through his shirt like needles, but he ignored it, holding the irrational hope that the inanimate object could forgive him somehow. 

Jenner was creepy, that was probably intentional; his proportions and pose were so uncanny it couldn’t have been an accident. And it was so, so very  _ Remus  _ of a thing that Patton couldn’t stand to hate it. His shift in view was so sudden, and in some sad way he realized that the conflict had been the final piece he’d needed. What let that understanding crash into Patton’s mind, painting the picture of somebody  _ layered _ .

The picture of Remus, who he was, had finally clicked into place- and at the exact  _ worst  _ time for it to do so.

Patton had fucked up. Massively. 

He didn’t react how he thought he would when he realized it. He didn’t grow weary and exhausted, desperate to apologize and then collapse into unthinking sleep for days. Gone was the emptiness of making promises that he hoped he could hold true on, just wanting to have gotten it right the first time. No, Patton felt something burning under his skin, something itching him to take action because he’d  _ learned  _ from a mistake. He knew exactly what he’d done, and he was ready to do better  _ right damn now.  _

Patton breathed in deep and exhaled sharp, because first… 

He sunk out to his room, Jenner tucked into the crook of his elbow. He rose up at his bedside and shoved a handful of knickknacks off the nightstand. With enough space cleared, Patton set his rat down on the table and stood it up on his alarm clock, facing the bed. And then, as just a final touch, he smoothed back the fur of its head and gave it a peck on the forehead.

Now, he had some planning to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments, I love reading them and hearing ur thoughts!!  
> -WJ


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's never anything good at the bottom of the ocean. Only monsters, and the people who love them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said I'd have this chapter up earlier than usual, and for my hubris god made it One Day Later than usual. This will teach me to have goals.  
> Anyway, things get a little wild in this one boys. TW for vomiting, mentions of drowning, very vague body-horror, horror elements in general... this is still a fluff story.   
> -WJ

Remus didn’t _need_ anybody. Not anyone but _him_ , anyway. He was the one that gave himself everything he wanted, took care of himself, _loved_ himself (in just about every way a person could). Of course he didn’t need other people! That was for weak-willed, insecure, clingy little prisses!

_ Roman  _ was the one needing all the validation, marvelling those little affections, loving his soft and kissy-touchy friendships. Hell, he was happy with that kind of life, that was just how it went for him.

And Remus- Remus was everything that his brother  _ wasn’t _ , by definition, and no exceptions. He didn’t need coddling, because he got by on his own. He didn’t need to be loved, because he loved himself. He would be happy that way, too, because it was clear enough that there wasn’t another way to be. For him, at least. 

The first thing he did after leaving Patton in the dust, his door still shaking from how hard he’d slammed it, was summon more speakers. No, more than that.  _ No _ , more than that, too, and  _ bigger!  _

There. That was more like it!

With a snap, deafening noise filled Remus’ room. It drowned out everything; the hurried footsteps up the stairs, the desperate knocking at his door, and most importantly, his thoughts.

Remus flopped onto his bed, landing flat on his back. Limbs spread, head lax, he felt the bass running through him like pure energy. And distantly, as the minutes passed, the knocking finally stopped altogether. As did his conscious, his worrying, his weakness. 

Everything was back to usual, just how it’d have been if he’d never held that stupid little catholic in his arms in the first place. Just like before, so it couldn’t be any worse than if he’d never let him be his friend at all. 

And it really was best that way. He could get all his alone time back, finally spend some time to focus on himself again! It would be  _ good  _ for him. It was the natural way of things.

Remus laid on the bed, and in his room he had three days of nothing  _ but  _ alone time.

This project was going to be  _ big _ ; big things needed a lot, a lot of a lot of room. Infinite, maybe- and Remus’ decision, as an all-powerful conduit of Creativity (in his side of the imagination, at least), was that there was nothing more infinite than the ocean. 

The seemingly endless void of yellow-white, papery landscape stretched onwards in all directions. Remus stood dead center in The Imagination, ink already seeping into the world from his presence.

It was the third day, as Remus kept himself holed in his room, that the incessant knocking was too much to deal with anymore. At first, he knew it was only Patton, but as time went on he could feel the presences change. Maybe it was Roman, Janus- probably even Virgil and Logan, at least once. But that day was the crescendo, when all the knocking and the voices calling for him had gotten so frantic and mixed up that even  _ he  _ needed away from the noise.

Whatever. He would talk to them whenever he wanted (if he ever wanted), and they could live without him for the week at least. They’d have to, anyways, because Remus adhered to one policy and one policy alone: fuck everybody else, they don’t matter!

He just needed an energy boost. He was pissed, sure, maybe even upset, but it was nothing he hadn’t dealt with before.

Remus was going to make something fucking putrid that day. As bad as he could ever conjure in that horrible canvas of imagination he had. Violent, unforgivable, stress-relieving,  _ him. _ The thought waves would fuck with Thomas’ head the whole day, sure, but Remus really couldn’t care less. He’d been taking it easy on the guy ever since the acceptance, and Remus had earned a little fun! 

The artist dropped to his knees, clawed hands scratching over the floor of paper. Everywhere he touched, darkness and muck soaked through the whiteness like ink, darkening the world until the scene was forming. When Remus lifted his hands, the ground rose up with him, adding texture to the surface.

Everything he made came out in his style when he used Thomas’ imagination like this. The creations moved realistically, and all in three-dimension. They were even touchable and destructible and certain  _ other _ words ending in the same suffix, but all of it was still art.  _ His  _ art, made real.

The lines were thick, dark, sketchy. Each one looked forced into the world without a care, but to their creator they were perfect. The colors would be vile and sickly, each one looking like pools of multicolor vomit. That, or they were vibrant eye-sores, things too garish for even Worhol or Matisse’s works, clashing in the eyes enough that it hurt. 

It depended on Remus’ mood, really, which one it’d be. Today he chose the former, relishing the illness that spilled out of his fingertips. It looked ugly. It felt free. It was him.

Here, Remus got to be everything. Remus was  _ powerful _ .

Remus dragged his claws upwards, and the scene began to unfold. 

Patton clasped his hands out in front of him, squeezing and releasing them again and again. He’d already been knocking for what had to be more than twenty minutes, while the music inside Remus’ room only got louder. There was a swell of hope when finally it was shut off altogether, but no one had come to the door. In fact, there was a perfect, unnerving silence- there had been for five minutes, at that point. 

The first Remus-less day in the mindscape, Roman and Logan had stood beside Patton as he hovered by the door. The day after, it was Virgil and Janus taking turns trying to coax their way in or him out. But  _ that  _ day, the third day, Patton had long-since explained everything. After some convincing, he was left to deal with the situation on his own, finally. 

It was  _ his _ responsibility, after all. 

Nobody was too angry with Patton, though in his own opinion he would have earned it and then some. Janus had been harsh with him at first, and Roman had jumped to his brother’s defense with a surprising willingness, but once he explained… 

Patton couldn’t tell which was worse; the disgust he’d been expecting, or the understanding and pity that he’d actually gotten.

Because it  _ wasn’t  _ okay. They all knew that, of course they did, but they didn’t want to push him any more than he had been. Patton could  _ feel  _ it, that they were letting him off easy just because of his remorse. Because much as they cared for Remus- and he could feel  _ and  _ see that, too- they cared even more about not letting him  _ break.  _ But it didn’t matter, because what he’d done… Just because Remus was  _ Remus _ , it didn’t mean he…

Patton slammed the door with the side of his fist, hard enough to hurt. He did it again, again, a third time, knowing he wouldn’t get any more response than he had every other time. Still, he couldn’t stop trying.

Then something happened that Patton really should’ve seen coming, but shocked him all the same.

There was a creak, then a groan. Something cracked and something buckled. There was a splintering, metallic  _ crunch _ , and with one last whine of protest Remus’ door swung open on its hinges. 

Apparently decaying and ocean-worn was more than just an aesthetic. That, or Patton had no concept of his own strength.

Well, regardless. The door was open.

Patton folded his hands against his chest, eyes wide and lips pressed, as he peered anxiously through the entryway. It was hard to see. He leaned further inside, hesitating every other breath, then stepped over the threshold. 

The room was empty. 

The room was empty, but there was another door on the opposite wall.

Or, no- not a door, but a doorway. No handle or knob, just pitch blackness. As Patton approached, it seemed more like a portal than anything, swirling around and making the faintest little whooshes, chirps, and gurgles.

Patton stood feather-light on the carpet before it. He reached a hand out and grazed the surface with his fingers, and instantly jolted back with a yelp.

It was cold and wet, but his fingers came away dry. He wrapped his hand in the sleeve of his hoodie, gazing into the deep darkness. It even  _ smelled _ , something distinctly briney and animal-like. 

It was… definitely not the most appealing door Patton had seen.

So it must have been where Remus was.

That settled it. With a deep breath, some posturance, and just a bit of false-confidence, Patton dove forwards through the portal.

Remus sat at the bottom of the ocean, inhaling swells of saltwater into his lungs. Every movement of his kicked up the sand like little gray clouds in the blue; physics kept mostly to realism, but maybe a bit more structured, a balance that any good piece of art should have.

Remus threw his head back and stared into the endless, dark water. Shadows of leviathans passed by overhead, black as night and humming a low drone, but never diving down enough to really be seen. Just smudged shapes in the implication of a horror. Their sounds were like distant, garbled radios that spreaded their old songs throughout the sea.

Still, they weren’t anything other than a backdrop. A well-crafted and time-consuming background, but a background nonetheless. Remus stood up with a huff, sending bubbles streaming from his nose and mouth. There was so much left to be done.

And he got caught up in just the plotting at once, angling this way and that to figure where he should drop the sunken submarine. So caught up, in face, that he very nearly didn’t notice the stab of someone else entering his domain.

But only nearly. It was sharp enough to hurt, that feeling like a pebble dropping into his stomach, and even distracted it made him lurch. Remus’ hands stilled their creation, his head craning back, and he saw the pitch dark portal swirling around just meters away. 

Oh, great.  _ Just _ who he wanted to see.

Remus was still as stone when Patton stumbled through the vortex, almost tripping over his own feet when it disappeared after him. Remus might have laughed, if he was in the mood, but as it was he kept quiet, and watched. Watched Patton right himself, watched the side look up, watched as his gaze filled with recognition when it met Remus’.

Remus folded his arms over his chest, smiling wickedly back.

How long would it take for him to make Patton run screaming, he wondered?

The side was stumbling across the sand already, unaffected by the suffocating water around him, but that was hardly all Remus had to offer. With a dismissive flick of the wrist, he brought into existence a favorite of his underwater pets: the Japanese Spider Crabs.

In his style, they were stretched out even further than the twelve feet they’d be in nature, their long and horrid limbs slimmer to boot. They moved in short, jerky steps, jumping this way and that like each stride was meant to be a jumpscare. They of course wasted no time in scrambling towards one Very Out-of-Place Patton.

When he saw them skidding at him, a stream of bubbles burst from his mouth in a silent wail, and he wrapped his arms around himself. Remus  _ did _ laugh at that, the way he stopped in his tracks and tried desperately to avoid the monsters; oh, Remus  _ cackled.  _

Patton did run, in the end, but not away from the beasts. No, the stubborn little thing kept trekking towards Remus, as though the trait hadn’t just sicked a pack of wicked arthropods on him. 

Well, it didn’t matter- the horrors of the deep were endless! Remus stamped his foot in the sand, triumphant, as a goblin shark sprouted up from nothing. The beast sent its creator something like a smile, before turning on its target.

Patton’s expression went ghost-white. His steps staggered, but the crabs he’d left in the dust were still crawling behind him, and he…

_ He walked towards the shark? _

Remus went still again, incredulous as he watched Patton be almost unphased by a fucking shark. His eyes burned in determination, even as an enormous, hideous creature bared down on him.

Patton wasn’t running, even when it rammed into his chest at full force. He hardly stumbled, and that was the moment Remus knew his bluff had been called.

He could make the creations hurt Morality. Not in any way that lasted, not in any way that would destroy him, but they could hurt him.  _ Remus  _ could hurt him, and he had every reason to, and.

He wasn’t going to. They both knew that.

In a whine or a snarl, a whimper, basically a scream, Remus wiped away his monsters and crumbled. He buried his face in his arms, curled up in a ball and growling like an animal- or maybe more like a kid; a useless, annoying little kid throwing a tantrum for no good reason. 

He couldn’t do anything. Not really. Not anything that  _ mattered _ .

When Patton reached him, he didn’t move. Patton crouched, placed a hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t let up.

What even was the point to everything? There was no good ending for Remus, he should have known that from the very start. He could either live his life alone, any attention paid to him fleeting and begrudging, but still be the person- no matter what anyone thought otherwise- that he loved most in the world: himself.

Or he could be accepted, befriended, and let everyone quietly compartmentalize him as nothing worse that eccentric. It’d strip him of every integrity and sense of self, sure, but it’d be a version of him that was actually  _ likeable. _

It had been so easy to choose the first track all his life. Why did Patton have to go fucking everything up for him?

The grip on his shoulder tightened, like Patton knew what he was thinking. Well, that wasn’t out of the realm of possibilities- Patton must have known what he was  _ feeling _ , with his stupid empathic power. Out of spite, Remus pushed himself to wallow even worse. Maybe he could get it to rub off on Morality, maybe then he’d see that pushing Remus’ buttons was a bad idea.

But he was so  _ fucking stubborn _ . He was so fucking stubborn that he whined in sympathy, the sound garbled by the water, and pulled Remus up into a hug. 

Remus didn’t bite or scratch. He stayed tense until Patton was all wrapped up around him. He was crying, probably, but the water made it impossible to tell either way.

“I’m sorry,” barely intelligible, Patton’s whisper came in a spout of bubbles. “I’m really, really sorry. We need to talk.”

Remus clenched his fists, released them, tightened them again. His head was shoved to an angle, neck aching, from the way he was embraced. He pressed his hands- palms forward- on Patton’s shoulders, and let his jagged talons rest on the side’s skin. 

Then he splayed his fingers out, holding onto Patton with the least sharp parts of himself only, and the world began to sway.

The carpet was soaked-through as soon as they landed,  _ splat _ , in a tangled heap on Remus’ floor. Patton pulled free as quickly as he could, scrambling away. Remus sat up, smirking despite the tears now visibly pouring down his face, and was tempted to tease the moral side:  _ See, your stomach really is too weak to touch me! I tried to warn you! _

And then Patton was vomiting.

Well, vomit was a strong word- all he had in him was bile, water, and phlegm, but it still wasn’t… great. He was doubled over, knees planted on the ground with one hand braced on the floor, the other he used to hug himself tight. He gagged, retching loudly, and rocked forwards with a groan. Salt water poured from his mouth, streamed past his lips, dribbling in a sick-smelling puddle on the floor.

With a final few coughs, he was done. Shaking, still heaving, but done. 

“Uh, are you okay?”

Patton looked up with wide, watery eyes, like he’d forgotten Remus was even there.

“Sorry, again,” he croaked, “I’ve never been underwater that long.”

Fuck.  _ Fuck. _

“You- you can’t breath underwater?” Remus tried to ignore the stabs of worry he felt, but they stuck so sharply in his chest that it was infeasible. 

Patton sat back on his heels, weakly shrugging. 

“I think I could, if I had tried hard enough- we  _ can  _ kinda do anything,” his voice was hoarse and broken. “But either way, we can’t really die and I wasn’t sure where that portal would lead, so by the time I got to you I figured it’d just be easier to power through it.”

Remus pressed a hand to his own forehead, reeling.

“That whole time we were in there, you were  _ drowning _ ?”

Patton shrugged again, sheepish.

“More or less. I just wanted to talk to you, so I kinda forgot about it. Also those, uhm, creatures- they were pretty…” He flushed, pupils dilated in fear at just the thought, “Distracting.”

Remus started laughing, and he stopped just as quick. He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them as wide as he could. He grinned, it felt wrong, he frowned, and that didn’t feel any better. He tasted copper in the back of his throat, but it wasn’t blood or salt or pennies. 

It was guilt.

“I threw fucked-up deep sea monsters at you while you were being asphyxiated, and you didn’t even  _ blink _ ?” Earlier, Remus had thought it was just a bruise to his ego, proving that he really couldn’t leave an impact. But it felt like the exact opposite now, as clearly he  _ had  _ affected Patton, worse than he ever should have. “You kept going?” His hands- and voice- were shaking. “To get to me?”

Patton met his eyes. He tipped his head to one side, and just smiled.

Remus’ breath hitched. Oh, he’d left an impact, one that unlike any other he’d ever tried to leave on Morality, and he didn’t know what to do with it. He’d made an impact on Patton, somehow, somewhere, to the point where Patton was so attached-  _ attached _ , a  _ positive  _ one this time- that he would endure all that he just did for him.  _ Patton _ would. For  _ him _ .

“But  **_why_ ** !?” 

The shout hit the room like a hammer smashing glass, and Remus realized just how softly he had to have been speaking before. Now, though, he leapt to his feet, his wrists twisting in involuntary jolts of frustration. He was pacing in stomps, his head thrown back while a stream of words poured out of his mouth.

“Why do you keep doing this? What do you  _ want  _ from me, Patton? Do you want me to be a misunderstood soft-hearted baby, all along just doing fucked-up stuff for attention? Because,  _ yeah _ , I’d love a little attention- who doesn’t?- but this is more than that, this is who I  _ am _ , I’m just  _ like _ this! I can’t change that, I don’t  _ want  _ to change that, and we both know that you don’t like the kind of things that I am. You like- you like what I could maybe possibly be, if you fixed me, and you can’t just-!”

“You didn’t hurt me.”

Remus went quiet. Patton’s breaths were coming in short gasps, his hands shaking as he struggled to his feet. 

“You used to scare me so much,” he leaned on the bed frame to stay upright, and he looked green. Sickness or frogness, it was unclear which. “I didn’t understand then. Even the other night, when you gave me- gave me that gift, I didn’t get it. But when you ran, that’s what made me see, Remus.

“I always thought you were dangerous, that you didn’t have any compassion, maybe you just wanted to hurt us. The dead animal-  _ taxidermy _ ,” he corrected himself, “Kinda… fed into that. I was thinking so simple, though, I- I always do that-, and you just aren’t. Simple, I mean. But that’s good!” Patton’s eyes went wistful, a grin ghosting his lips. “You do these things because they’re  _ you _ , because you like to do them and it’s just the way you know  _ how  _ to do things, not because you actually wanted to make me feel bad. You are just misunderstood- not because you don’t actually mean the stuff you do, but because I didn’t understand what or why it was you did it! That’s why, even when you were so  _ mad _ , you didn’t make those-” he ticked, “Those spider-things, hurt me.

“That’s why I like you, Remus. You aren’t how you seem, but you  _ are _ . You try for me. And I am so, so sorry I couldn’t see what that meant, until now.” 

Remus stared at him. He had half a mind to argue, tell Patton that yes, he  _ did  _ like to hurt things, but. But it was obvious what Patton meant. That Patton trusted him. That he trusted Remus not to hurt him. And, in that regard, he was absolutely right.

Remus slipped over the small distance between them, hesitating a second before grabbing the sickly side’s waist. Gently, carefully, he guided him to sit down on the bed, taking a place beside him. Much better to talk without the risk of Patton keeling over at any time, after everything he’d been through. 

The silence didn’t seem to bother Patton, his head falling back and his breathing labored. He didn’t seem to expect a response at all. 

“Don’t apologize to me,” Remus said.

Patton blinked at him, slow, looking confused. “I think I owe you more than one apology, after all that mess.”

“I was  _ trying _ to freak you out, you know, when I gave you the rat,” Remus snapped, his hands balled up. The guilt was overwhelming now- if this was how Patton felt all the time, he couldn’t imagine surviving it. “Not like how I usually do, but- I wanted to see what would break you, so that you’d stop trying to be my friend. So you’d stop, you know…” He growled the next bit under his breath, “Getting me attached to you, and everything. I just- didn’t expect your reaction to actually, like,  _ affect  _ me.” 

Remus glared at the ceiling, hating more than anything the way that shame felt inside something like him. 

“Remus, it’s okay, I still shouldn’t have-”

“No, shut up, listen,” he could feel bad about being rude another time, maybe, but this was  _ important _ . Patton listened. “It doesn’t matter that I didn’t let a shark disembowel you, or whatever, you still- you  _ got hurt _ . I freaked you out, and sure, you overreacted- but then that’s exactly what  _ I  _ did. And so of course you felt bad, you’ve got the sympathy of a fucking saint, and you tried to fix things, and I got you more hurt. Scared you just like old times, right?” He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling rough at every edge. “I’m sick of it. You’re trying so hard to be good to me, and dammit if I’m not gonna do the same, okay? Obviously you can handle me at my worst, so, I owe you my best- whatever the hell that is.”

A hand settled over his own.

“I forgive you.”

“Patton, you don’t have to-”

“Remus,” he murmured, “I forgive you.” 

Remus huffed. He felt some of the tension melt from his shoulders, and decided, fuck, why not. “You’re sure?”

Patton didn’t even hesitate: “Yeah.”

“I forgive you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Remus exhaled, slow and steady. “Fuck, of course I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this chapter made it abundantly clear that I'm a fantasy/horror writer in addition to, like, writing about relationships... sorry I drowned you, Patton!!   
> A N Y W A Y it gets significantly more yearn-ish and soft from this point onwards, so don't worry about any more like. puke and deep sea monsters or anything. (i mean, probably, i still haven't finished drafting the last two so who knows /j).   
> Please leave!! comments!! i love them so much and they help me remember to write more!! (constructive criticism is also encouraged !!)  
> -WJ


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They grow together surprisingly quick- a fortnight or maybe two, and they're practically indetachable. Not that anyone would try to pry them separate anyway; certainly, everyone can see how much better things have gotten with this development. It's clear from the way that they, Remus and Patton, actually seem to be interacting with the rest of their family again, and its no secret that they push each other in just the right ways to be able to do so.  
> One meeting in particular stands out, weeks and days after the ocean incident, where they both seem to realize this improvement, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to hack and chop this thing into some semblance of a good chapter because my original couple drafts were chock-a-block full of just the most dramatic kind of yearning. Like sue me I'm going through a non-romantic heartbreak right now and this very narrowly avoided being a vent fic for that mess (i already project onto these two characters enough already so like). but ideally this is now a comprehensible story with a normal amount of aching! Because there will be time for more prose later, *trust me*, we've got a lot of adoration to get through yet!  
> -WJ

Something Remus came to realize was that he, a bit paradoxically, was not used to people being in his space.

It was weird. Not weird in the way that people usually felt when  _ he  _ was the one interrupting- he wasn’t scared by it, or disgusted, or even really annoyed. It was just… surprising, to have somebody else hanging around him, unprompted by anything. 

Remus wasn’t known for having boundaries- or respecting them, for that matter- but he’d at least been  _ attempting  _ to restrain himself just a  _ bit  _ after being accepted by the others. Out of courtesy, if nothing else. 

And apparently he didn’t need to. Not after what happened with Patton, anyway. Now that Patton had deemed the two of them ‘close’- something he was absolutely happy to agree with, for the record- Remus’ world had flipped sort of around. Back to no boundaries, only he wasn’t the one crossing those lines, and nobody was running screaming. Least of all Patton!

Remus ran the thoughts over in his head, feeling like that day was shaping up to be a great example of the change:

He and Patton were sitting side-by-side in the living room, content, with the rest of the sides spread around in different seats and configurations just the same. The unlikely pair were at the fringe of the circle, close enough to be part of things but far enough to zone in and out at will (as both were prone to do). It was nice, amiable.

But minutes before- forty of them at most- Remus had been up in his own room, happily dissecting some gooish creations and only vaguely aware that there was a meeting that day. His attendance to group meetings varied from week to week- sometimes he was bored and could use an argument, and other times he was having fun on his own and knew that it wouldn’t be all that important if he ditched. He joined more often than he used to, sometimes he was even asked for, but he was optional still. A favored option, suggestions taken now, sure- but still not mandatory. 

He was going to stay upstairs for that one, but Patton had come to get him. Had dragged him down in that sweet, puppy-dog way of convincing that worked so well and, knowing him, was totally unintentional. And even if Remus didn’t care about arguing his way through content production right then, Patton had promised that it was important for him to be there.

That was the word he’d used for Remus.  _ Important _ .

How the hell could Remus say no to that?

At least the meeting was going by without a hitch, for once. He assumed it was- Remus was honestly paying very little attention- but the lack of anger or tension was practically palpable. These things were usually so spiteful that even Remus, renowned lover of chaos, could almost taste his headache when everybody started shouting and hissing and fighting. It just got  _ sad _ .

But not that time, apparently.

As Logan went on his third ramble of the evening, smiling widely at a surprising lack of interruption, Remus turned to Patton. He whispered:

“Okay, when are they gonna snap? Did they all finally get lobotomized?”

Patton frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean where’s all the screaming and crying? Specs and Prince Priss haven’t had a single one of their horny yelling matches, what gives?”

Patton smiled in a way that said he was trying very hard not to laugh, rolling his eyes.

“These meetings have calmed down a bit, I guess,” he shrugged.

Remus glanced around the room with narrowed eyes. While that certainly  _ seemed  _ like the truth, he couldn’t buy it. 

“Yeah, I give it until one of them vaguely insults the others, and then everybody’s gonna shut down for the next week. That kinda tension doesn’t just  _ go _ .”

Patton didn’t say anything. Half-gazing at the carpet, he didn’t look like he’d even heard. He was smiling, but it was one of those jumbled up expressions, the type that tried to span a hundred different feelings. He had so many expressions like that, that seemed bottomless and swirling and so intricate on a humanoid face that, in reality, wasn’t built to display something like that. It was uncanny- not like an eerie doll, but like something with unearthly beauty. This face, though, had tones of upset.

“It’s been a while since you’ve been around everybody,” Patton said.

It wasn’t a question and it didn’t need to be. While Remus wasn’t exactly known for keeping to himself, he couldn't be called _sociable_ either. He dropped in to say something, usually random, and then he was gone as soon as he’d visited. Even before the first Patton incident, fuck, it had been _weeks_ since he’d actually stuck around through something.

Since The Acceptance, now that Remus thought of it, he’d been spending  _ more  _ time alone than ever. Not all of his time- he remembered being surprised at Logan talking to him, willingly, like friends, and after that had even come Virgil and Roman. He saw people, talked to them, yeah. The time spent was friendlier, more welcoming, but it was so much  _ less _ . 

Well, it was obvious why: they visited him, but- like he’d mentioned, he’d been trying to give them  _ some _ space.

“Sure, it's been awhile,” Remus admitted, “But I never expected shit to change so much around here, still.”

The haze on Patton’s face thickened like fog on the moors, a soft and sympathetic mist over his eyes that Remus knew was aimed at him (even if it was pointed more to a sort of middle distance). 

“I don’t think I did, either,” Patton’s mouth barely moved, his voice less of a whisper and moreso a fragile breath. “I was hoping for it, but… I’m still trying to get used to stuff being allowed to change, you know?” He picked at a loose thread along the seam of the couch. “I haven’t done this stuff in a while, either.” 

Remus’ head shot up, and he almost forgot that they weren’t the only two in the room. Somehow, he stopped himself from shouting:

“You- it  _ has _ ?”

A tiny smile. Something built up behind Patton’s eyes; a wave, dark and lonely and filling his bright blues with cloudy gray. “I just needed some alone time, after everything changed so much so fast. I still feel, I dunno, weird. I don’t know what’s wrong with me- but…” he swallowed, his head lifting. “I’m really happy for them,” he was staring- so very loving- first at Logan, then Roman, then Virgil and Janus. It was a wonder none of them felt his gaze on them, Remus thought, because he was sure if anyone looked at  _ him  _ that way, he’d burn up like a fae upon iron. “They deserve it so much. I know that not everything is perfect still, but, I’m just so proud of us anyways. I- I think maybe-”

He cut himself off, blinking rapidly. Remus gave the room a quick once over to make sure nobody was looking their way- and nobody was: Virgil was very resolutely trying to get everyone to stay on topic despite Janus and Logan’s continued tangenting, and Roman was scribing furiously on several different pieces of paper- before he inched close enough to curve his arm around Patton. Touching like that had steadily become familiar to both of them, and it didn’t take long for Patton to fall untense against his side. He leaned into him, muttering: “I mean, they’re all doing a lot better than me, that’s for sure. I- I don’t even know what I’m  _ for _ anymore. Maybe that’s why I’ve been… ditching, really.”

Remus squeezed his shoulder. There were so many things he could’ve said and done, but all of them loud and fervent and definitely not subtle enough to go unnoticed by everyone. So, for the sake of Patton’s privacy, he settled on this:

“That makes two of us, Morey.”

The meeting that was planned to take two or three hours took the entire day, just as always. Hours and hours were spent in a room filled with excited conversation, of which the subject oscillated wildly between relevant topics and complete nonsense- which Remus and Patton did, eventually, tune back into (and contribute to as well, mainly in the nonsense department). Eventually, even Virgil gave up on trying to keep anything in order. 

But the meeting ended on a good note anyway. Lots of good notes, actually, if the stacks upon stacks of paper they’d scribbled up were any indication. Mess, the sides had come to believe, was usually a measure of their productivity: if crumpled pages were strayed across the room, if forgotten pens and pencils balanced on every surface from coffee table to TV stand, and if- in the process of snacking- they’d accumulated enough dishes to fill the sink for days on end? Shit. Got.  _ Done _ .

Remus stared over the chaos with unfocused eyes. He felt distantly proud of the stormish state the living room was in. Draped over the back of the sectional, he gnawed idly on a wood pencil, stripping its yellow into beige. The paint fell off in bitter chunks, and the taste made him think of grabbing some non-acrylic dinner before closing the night off. Maybe he’d steal some of whatever saccharine sweet Patton usually made in the late evenings, and then spend the rest of the night with him, anyway. Remus debated what would be the most fun (or if he was tired enough to sleep yet), partially aware as he did so that he’d chewed and swallowed the metal-eraser end of his pencil.

“Ugh,” a drawn out groan broke his thoughts, petulant and whiny. “Do you have  _ any  _ intention of helping us clean up this, the  _ common area _ ?” 

Roman was kneeling beside Janus on the carpet, the pair surrounded by papers and binders and trashbags, the former of which they were sorting into either of the latter two, depending on how useful each page was. Roman had stopped working, however, to stare up at Remus indignantly. Remus glared right back.

“I’ve never had an intention in my life,” he answered.

Janus shrugged, smiling in that  _ I-told-you-so  _ way at Roman. But Roman, ever the nuisance, wasn’t letting it go. 

“Come on! It’s not like you’re even  _ doing  _ anything!”

“I’m doing something,” Remus’ words were wide and wobbly as he stripped another line of paint off the pencil, breaking some splinters off into his teeth.

“Oh, really?”

“Yes,” another chunk of wood, down the hatch. “I’m flaying all these leftover pencils until they’re lead-sticks.”

Roman hopped up from the floor and dropped himself onto the couch, shoving himself into the way so jarringly that it reminded Remus of himself. 

“Well, now you’re going to help us clean.” 

Janus rolled his eyes, not even glancing up. “Roman, just leave it alone, we-”

“ _ We  _ are all parts of this whole now,  _ including  _ him! Remus-” Roman rounded on him again, “If you’re going to come down here and help us make all this mess, with all of your  _ numerous  _ contributions that we have to write down, you’ll help clean it like anybody else. Do you think that I like any of- of-” he gestured, flamboyantly, at the room, “ _ This?  _ Ugh,  _ please _ , I’m a prince!  _ But _ , fair is fair, and fair means everybody.” 

And that was the point of the conversation in which Remus would cackle, push Roman backwards off the couch, and proclaim how much it’d go against his very being to  _ clean  _ a mess instead of cause it. He’d tell Roman how funny it was that he thought he could boss him around, because it always had been- that full-of-it Older Brother kind of attitude that had never worked. The Prince had never once managed to get him to do anything, and each attempt only got funnier than the last. 

He didn’t say any of that, though. 

Roman was bitching at him, not to go away this time, but to  _ stay.  _ Stay and help the group, because he was a part of said group. So he was asked to help them, the group that he was a part of, because he was part of it. That group. 

“Okay,” he blurted, “Okay, I’ll- alright.”

Roman blinked at him, a look of disbelief spreading across his face. “You- oh!” he smiled, utterly baffled. “That was- very easy?”

Janus, too, was looking up at Remus with bewilderment, his task of paper-sorting all but forgotten. Remus couldn’t blame either of them, but he still huffed, trying very hard not to be embarrassed by that whole… moment.

He shook it off, rolling off the couch and standing up, jittery. 

“Whatever, just- tell me what to pick up, okay?” 

They seemed not to hear him, the gawking continuing on until he started working unprompted, and longer than that still. Each time he (begrudgingly) shoved something into a trashbag, it earned him another Exchange of Glances from the pair. 

They got over it eventually, though, because there was a fuck-load more to clean than there was room to stare. So they cleaned.

Remus thought it would get old after a minute, and he’d finally gather up the guts to bail on them, but it just… never happened. It felt unnatural to be getting rid of a mess- like an animal having its fur brushed the wrong way, continuously- but by some point the sensation was distant. The rest of him was still busy processing, experiencing, maybe possibly overthinking this kind of recognition he’d never gotten before. It was handed to him now like it was something normal. The three of them worked together, and it was normal. 

Acceptance, as it turned out,  _ wasn’t _ synonymous with ‘soulless assimilation’. In fact, it was pretty fucking great, getting to watch his brother and best friend find documents from the floor with  _ his  _ ideas on them, then tucking them into a binder marked  _ important _ , instead of a trashcan marked  _ to burn _ . It was… surreal. 

But the tidying was over in just an hour and a half- oh  _ wow _ , never in a million years would Remus have thought an  _ hour and a half  _ of  _ cleaning  _ would be too little for him. He made a note to absolutely destroy something big and important later, to balance the universe out again. 

Roman sank through the floor as soon as they were done, complaining loudly about how very exhausted he was. Remus teased him on his way out, but it was just for the habit- he was  _ way  _ too mushy to think of anything properly mean at the moment. 

Janus watched him go, silent. He sat beside Remus on the couch, and despite his obvious tiredness, he waited a good few minutes before saying anything. 

“Thank you,” he murmured. 

Remus shivered. Janus pulled him up into a hug (one that maybe dragged on for a little too long, but who was counting?), and it spelled out all the pride and care that he’d never been good at verbalizing. With that, he gave Remus a short nod, and then was gone as well. 

Which made everyone else upstairs, probably in their rooms and halfway asleep. Then there was Remus, antsy in the living room, itchy with feelings. 

Everyone but Patton, of course, who could still be heard humming in the kitchen; who never went up until he knew everyone else was in their rooms, true to the protective parent persona. Remus suddenly didn’t think he wanted anything else but to see Patton after what had happened, to talk to him, to… 

He walked to the kitchen.

“Pat.”

Patton looked over his shoulder at Remus, up to his elbow in sudsy sink water. A smile fell naturally across his face.

“Hi,” his voice was low, delicate. “You about to head up?”

Remus watched his friend work, trailing into the room slowly. He grinned, “Are you kidding? I could stay up all night, if I wanted.”

“ _ Do _ you want to?” Patton asked him.

Remus thought on it for a moment. He shrugged,  _ iunno _ , leaned against the counter by the sink. Patton turned away again.

It was so  _ quiet. _ No wind. No footsteps. Not a muffled voice upstairs, even- just the sound of water and ceramic hitting ceramic. Everything was still.

Remus hated it. Silence was fragile, and he crawled with the need to break it. He felt it get tense as it stretched out, and he just wanted to  _ tear  _ the air apart with sound. It felt like nothing mattered anymore, when peace was so easily able to drown it all out. Cold and alone. He  _ hated _ it.

Sometimes, Remus imagined that if the silence went too long, he’d never be able to make a noise again. There were few things that made him so unhappy, but the  _ quiet _ … 

“What’s on your mind?” Patton asked.

Remus jolted. Patton was staring, concern gathering in his eyes the longer he did. Remus took a deep breath- he remembered something, something small and unimportant that Janus had told him once. 

When one is so intensely happy, they can fall to agonizing upset even quicker than if they’d been mildly perturbed in the first place, because of the  _ ferocity  _ of the feelings. Something like that. 

“A lot more than I’m willing to throw on your shoulders, Pops.”

Patton pouted. Actually. Fucken. Pouted. The worst part was, his puppy-face was actually  _ working. _

“Ugh,” Remus rolled his eyes, “Just- could I- I dunno, have a hug, or some shit?”

If Patton was surprised, he hid it well. God knew,  _ that  _ wasn’t exactly the kind of thing Remus would ask for. He almost never asked to get attention- taking it was much easier, and much more entertaining. Besides, if he’d ever asked before that point… well, he already knew what answer he would’ve gotten. 

Patton’s smile only widened, until it was positively melting. “Of course you can,” he shut the sink off. “Of  _ course _ .”

He reached haphazardly for a hand towel, to dry his arms. Remus, riding the high of that enthusiastic permission, absolutely could not wait that long. He latched his arms around Patton’s middle before the side had even finished talking, burying his face between his shoulder blades and hugging tight. 

Patton went still, like he didn’t know what to do. After it became clear that Remus had no intention to move, Patton laughed, dreamy and soft, and shook his hands as dry as he could. He patted Remus’ forearm; bead-bracelets clattered under the Duke’s sleeves. 

“Hey,” Patton said.

“Mmh?”

“Not that this isn’t lovely,” he laced his fingers with Remus’, squeezed them, “But I’d like it better if I could hug you back, ya know?”

Remus let go, reluctantly. In the true fashion of intrusive thoughts, there was a second he was so convinced Patton would run, now that he was freed. Make an escape from him, an escape from his claws.

He didn’t. He spun right around and pulled Remus against his chest- one arm linked around his torso, the other winding into his tangled hair. Anyone, at a glance, could see that Patton was huge- but up close the difference was dizzying: his wide chest, encircling arms that seemed to be made of nothing but muscle and padding, and that height, all made him so… _comforting_. Big and strong, a body that disguised power in soft edges and fat. If he squeezed just a little too tight, in fact, Remus wouldn’t be surprised if Patton could make splinters out of his bones. Which Remus definitely, definitely wouldn’t mind, but the knowledge that Patton not only _could_ do that but also _wouldn’t ever_ do that- that was what really did him in. 

And he’d hugged Patton before- months ago, and somehow Patton had seemed so small then, when everything had started- but _ being _ hugged? Properly, too, not underwater while one of them was drowning- it was a world of difference. No panic, no breakdowns, just a real, solid hug.

He could just ask for this and then have it. He could smell sugar cookies and candle wax, and feel somebody- a willing body- pressing in. It was weird. He thought that someday, he might get used to it. He wanted a chance to get used to it. 

“Do you wanna talk now?” Patton prompted, forcibly reminding Remus that he had a bloodhound’s nose for emotional distress. 

“I don’t know.”

Patton hummed, his fingers scratching through Remus’ hair. “Today went better than I thought it would.”

“You didn’t have to bring me, if you thought it was gonna be bad.”

“I wasn’t worried because of you! I was worried because of  _ me _ . Things have been… a lot for me, lately.”

“Oh,” Remus angled his head to the side, looking up at him. “Yeah. I feel ya.”

“But they were all so much more patient, weren’t they,” Patton’s eyes went a little misty, the way they always did when he talked about his family. “Everything’s different now, and I guess that scared me, but I think that now… it’s a good different, you know?” 

“Like us, right?” Remus laughed, “This is the craziest difference, if ya think about it.”

Patton chuckled, the sound reverberating in his chest so that Remus felt it more than heard it. 

“I don’t think I would’ve gotten through with today without you, you know that?” 

It was deeply honest. There was a beat. 

“I-” Oh  _ fuck _ , Remus was choked up, when did that happen? “I wouldn’t have even had a day like today, without you, so. Do with that what you want.” 

Remus buried his face in Patton’s sternum, just to avoid the sad understanding in his eyes. 

He- he wasn’t exactly made for the care he was getting, not the kind of softness in that face. Not when Patton was still patiently untangling his matt of hair while they hovered in the stillness of the dark, empty kitchen, and Remus desperately didn’t want to cry. 

Patton gave him a minute to breathe, at the very least, before:

“They like you, though. Janus loves you.”

“ _ Yeah _ , okay, but it’s not-”

“I know how you feel,” said Patton, and did. “Like they couldn’t actually care about us, even though it doesn’t make sense for them not to. It’s one of those things that’s easy to forget,” Remus could hear the smile in his voice. “So it’s good we have each other, when we need to get out of our own heads. At least, it’s like that for me, I don’t know if you even-”

“No,” Remus curled his claws in the back of Patton’s shirt, something dark and emotional flooding like tar through his chest. “Nah, you’re right, Morey. This is good for us.” 

Remus shook his head at nothing in particular. He forced his hands unballed, pulled back, and wormed his way out of Patton’s hug after way too long. 

His skin felt like paper from the affection, like he’d been electrocuted, and while that was fun- was  _ amazing _ \- for a while, he didn’t think he could handle much more in one sitting. 

Patton let him go, smiling warmly, leaning back against the counter. His eyes were shiny and wet, but he was content. 

“Thanks,” Remus said.

“What for? The hug?”

“No- I mean, that too, but I was saying ‘thanks, for caring’. For giving enough of a shit about me to try and help.”

Patton smiled, solemnly.

“I told you so,” he breathed, “I promised I would like you when I got to know you, and then I did. I do!” 

Remus felt a grin returning to his face, sliding across his lips more naturally than anything else he’d had to deal with that night.

“Yeah. You aren’t too bad yourself, Pat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter will be way too long, im estimating about 7k words, so... if it's late don't @ me  
> Oh and please leave comments!! they rly mean a lot to me <3<3<3  
> -WJ


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys' days, in snapshots, after a Very Eventful Night <3!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place directly after the last one, which is a ballsy move considering I just got back from a month-long hiatus!!!   
> Sorry about that, by the way. I'll be posting this chapter along with the final two as quickly as I can, ideally within a few hours of each other at the absolute most (spell-checking, formatting, other complications). Honestly idk what's going on with this story, but I've been working on it for so long and it feels so far away from me now that my brain is telling me It's Time To Return, Dude.   
> (and not to worry, I'll have more content after this fic *very* shortly.)  
> Thank you all for the patience <3  
> -WJ

The hallway was cold, and dark. It had been long-since abandoned of any life, with every door shut and each light dimmed- even Virgil’s. That day- the day of the meeting- had exhausted everyone enough to send them right to sleep mode. 

Everyone except Remus and Patton.

Their heart-to-heart in the kitchen had dragged on a little longer than either had expected, letting night descend fully over the Mindpalace. Patton was the one to notice the time eventually, and drag his less-than-restful friend up the stairs with him- he could tell that the other was dead tired, though. His stubborn determination not to end the conversation didn’t sit well, but Patton couldn’t think what to make of it, and they really did need some sleep. 

They reached Patton’s door first. He stopped in front of it, when Remus tugged his hand back insistently. He turned to him, letting out a confused hum, and was met with a scowl and a sigh.

Remus was looking even more resigned than he had when they first started talking that night. Patton waited, worried. 

“This isn’t, um,” Remus exhaled, ragged around the edges. “This isn’t a pick-up line, okay, and I know that it’ll sound that way and I know that it’s  _ me _ but. I  _ really  _ don’t wanna be alone tonight.”

Oh. 

Patton’s heart ached- and his heart was big, it took up most of him. He felt the pain spread out from his center and into his fingertips and toes, hot and empathetic. Because how could he hear something like that, and not want to spend the rest of the night doting on the creature in front of him until that voice never sounded so small again, till he was as big and confident as he was meant to be?

“I don’t think I want to be alone, either,” Patton said.

Remus stared, his big scarlet eyes casting a faint glow in the dark. They were wide, cautiously hopeful.

“Yeah?” He muttered.

“Yeah.”

Patton opened the door, and led them both inside.

Remus shuffled around on the other side of the bed, but Patton was still, however much he wanted to squirm.

“Um.”

The movement stopped, and he flushed at the feeling of being watched in the dark. There really was no un-awkward way to say it, was there?

“Remus, since you’re staying, do you- um, do you mind doing me a favor?” 

Remus, little more than a silhouette, propped himself up on his elbow, a tilt to his head. “A  _ favor _ ? Of course, anything for you, Pat,” his words were a purr, and Patton could envision the suggestive smirk on his face in perfect clarity. Patton felt another well of discomfort bubble in his stomach.

“Could you at least wear  _ some  _ clothes, please?” 

There was a beat. Remus laughed, short and good-natured. 

“Yeah, I sorta figured I would. It’s no problem.”

“Thank you,” Patton sighed, relieved. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he paused, and that really would’ve been the end of it, but Patton had learned by then when Remus was about to make a joke. He took a little breath while the words were still clicking together in his head, and a grin crept into his voice. “There’s always tomorrow night to try this clothless, eh?”

“I’m asexual,” Patton blurted, and he could  _ feel  _ the heat radiating from his face, though he didn’t even know why he was so uncomfortable. It was a joke, Remus was just joking. They were  _ friends  _ and Patton should’ve been used to it- but he’d already gotten so sensitive that night, and jokes like that always hit just a little different than the violent ones or the curses. It must have been a breaking point, or something. 

Remus shifted again, laying on his back. Patton wondered if he’d made things awkward. 

“Oh,” Remus said, “Oh wow, that makes so much sense!”

“It- It does?” Patton sat up, staring at the other with a mix of surprise and relief. Remus blinked up at him, nodding. 

“Well,  _ yeah _ , that explains why you get so squirmy whenever anybody even implies something to do with sex. I always thought you were just, like, a prude.”

Patton ran his hands over the comforter that pooled around his legs, shrugging. He wasn’t nervous, so much as he was fidgety. “Well, maybe it was some of that, too,” he joked. 

Remus snorted, rolling onto his side and catching one of Patton’s hands in his own. He held it, playing with Patton’s fingers like he was trying to focus. 

“Hey,” he sighed, heavy, “Sorry.”

“Huh? What for?”

“C’mon, you know,” Remus gestured around with his free hand, “All the jokes, and all the times I hit on you, like,  _ graphically _ . I was kidding, obviously, it was just that you always had the best reactions. If I’d known  _ why _ , I mean. I don’t know if I’d have actually stopped, but whatever. Different time, different me. I’m stopping now, kay?”

Patton’s eyes went wide. He hadn’t- He wasn’t trying to make Remus stop, that wasn’t fair. He knew how important staying true to himself was to Remus, and if he’d actually managed to guilt-trip any of that away, he didn’t think he’d forgive himself.

“Oh, it’s really okay, I mean- I know you like talking about stuff like that, who am I to say you shouldn’t?”

“You never said that, actually.”

Patton nodded, even if Remus couldn’t see him, and even if he was pretty sure they were on different pages. “Exactly. You shouldn’t go changing just to make me comfortable, I’ll get used to the jokes! I guess I just wanted to know that they  _ were _ , which, obviously yeah, but… um, I’m bad with knowing what tone is which, sometimes, so-”

“Ugh,  _ Patton _ ,” Remus was laughing, leaning up and grasping tighter around Patton’s hand, with a tone that said plainly: please shut up. Patton did, biting the inside of his cheek. “Look,” Remus huffed, “I know what you’re trying to say, and it’s real sweet that you’re so worried about this, but it’s not exactly like I’m telling you that I’m reinventing myself. I’ll definitely keep saying plenty of horny shit,  _ trust  _ me, I can just drop it with the comments about ya. It wouldn’t even be funny anymore; fucking with people is cool, right, but making someone I actually  _ like  _ feel ‘icky’, or whatever, isn’t really the same thing. It’s no big sacrifice trying to make you feel safer with me, got it?”

Remus’ eyes were on his, glowing with concern. Patton felt his face flush for an entirely new reason, nothing to do with embarrassment.

“You want to make me feel safe?” Patton grinned, just this side of giddy. “That’s a new one.”

Remus made a vague grumbly sound; it shouldn’t have been as cute as it was. “Yeah, okay, so what if I do?”

“It’s okay if you do. It’s sweet.”

“Maybe it is. Besides, you aren’t the only aspec side around,” he shrugged, “I’m not too big on the dating side of things, myself.”

Patton’s smile widened. “Thank you. I mean, for understanding, and… getting me out of my own head about all this.”

“I gotcha,” a claw traced over Patton’s knuckles, idly, “No need for thanks.”

“I’ll give it anyway, you know that.”

Remus snorted. “Mhmmm.”

With the remains of embarrassment finally fading away, Patton yawned, and remembered just how tired he was. He laid himself down finally, relaxing as his back hit the mattress. No sooner after he’d done so, Remus was letting go of his hand in favor of curling around him and setting his head on Patton’s chest. 

Patton would be lying if he said it wasn’t a relief, feeling the other unhesitant to curl up against him still. He looped his own arms around the smaller figure, practically on top of him, and traced patterns against Remus’ back. 

In hindsight, Patton couldn’t remember ever falling asleep so easily. 

The morning after, there was a crisis. A Thomas-crisis, and an emotional one, which set Patton up for a busy, busy day (or morning-through-afternoon, but it was well more than enough work for one day). The one upside to the whole mess was that he didn’t have to deal with it alone, because emotional distress fell neatly into Virgil’s area of expertise as well as his own.

At some point, you’d think they’d get numb to the endless dilemmas every other day, but with each new outing it got clearer and clearer that panic was just a part of life. Most weeks had at least one incident; there would be a mistake at the post office that needed to be worked out  _ in person  _ (which Patton didn’t mind, really, but Virgil hated, and Roman thought was a waste of time), there was an event for a friend of a friend that for some reason they were socially obligated to go to (which no one liked  _ but  _ Roman, who always thought they were one person away from being ‘discovered’), or- the present situation- there were pre-established plans that all the sides had somehow forgotten about until they were shoved into it at the last second.

Patton jolted awake with a gasp, the urgency of his human throwing him out of sleep. It was a full two hours later than he usually woke up, something he would’ve loved to appreciate on any other day. His bed was already empty- the warmth of another person still there, the covers still scrunched, but empty- which did serve to make his morning routine quicker. He dressed with a fervor that he couldn’t even place, manic exhaustion already soaking into him and making plans to stay there all day. It was going to be a rough one, being around people. 

But, Patton knew it wouldn’t be hard to ignore all that, for a little bit at least. There was still a bright side, and that side was Virgil! Who he got to spend all day with! Working, sure, but still- work done with a loved one is never work at all.

“Yeah, I don’t know if that rings true, Pat,” was Virgil’s response to the sentiment, when Patton told him.

“You’re smiling,” Patton said, because he was.

“What?” Virgil covered his mouth, “No, I’m not- shut up.” 

“You believe me, I know you do. You  _ looove  _ me.”

“Says you,” his mouth may have been covered, but the crows feet under his eyes creased more. His shoulders were just a little less tense, too, enough to tell Patton he was right. 

That morning wasn’t great, but, they made it better.

Remus had woken up in a lot of places that were decisively not his bed. The floor? Sure. The imagination? Oh, absolutely. Underneath furniture, on  _ top  _ of furniture, and on counters- anywhere lie-down-able, been there and done that. Just for the fun of it, really, and a nice shock to whoever found him curled up in the sink or beneath cabinets. He was used to a crick in the neck or a splotch of red, rough carpet print on the side of the face. 

So he didn’t really know  _ why _ , waking up in someone else’s bed, he jolted out of it so quick, he looked like he’d been electrocuted. Or why, after scrambling out of Patton’s arms with whatever carefulness he could manage, he bolted from the scene entirely.

Remus began the slow process of piecing it together after he all but slammed the door behind him, trembling and cursing his way down the hall. He dragged away from Patton’s room and let his back hit the wall, sliding to the floor with a kind of hysteria he could only describe as  _ itchy-vomity-terrifying-amazing.  _

He did itch at his skin, he was feeling a bit sick, a bit scared, but he thought he might’ve been grinning anyway, so the description fit well enough. Except, nothing was fitting  _ actually _ well, right then.

The closeness. The attention. The fact that he’d spent eight hours of sleep getting a full dosage of both those things. The fact that it had been more of both of them than he could remember getting,  _ ever _ . Of course he’d scrambled away- how else could he react!?

Remus didn’t get overwhelmed. Except, apparently he did! What another fun surprise!

A door creaked open down the hall (thank  _ God _ not Patton’s). Remus felt the eyes on him, and looked up- manically, he looked well and truly  _ manic _ .

Logan blinked at him. He looked a lot like an owl in the mornings, Remus noted. One of those smart ones, obviously, not one of the ones that fucks around counting licks on a lollipop. 

Logan cleared his throat. 

“Remus? Is everything alright?” 

Remus shrugged, grinning. “Maybe! Who knows, though, right? It’s a lot, you know?”

Logan did not know, and said as much. Remus only laughed, letting his head hit back against the wall in the process.

He still felt warm, inside and out, after all that cuddling. It was  _ weird _ , good-weird, but still so new. And, like he said, a lot. He’d felt that kind of warmth before, but definitely not as much- and he knew he needed to distract himself before he went crazy. Or, before his rattrap of a brain ruined the maybe-possibly good feelings for him. 

“Hey, any chance you’re busy today?”

Logan hovered in his doorway for a minute before ultimately deciding to step out, probably determining the interaction as a prolonged one. He didn’t look too put-off about it, though.

“A very high chance,” he said, “But for now I am not. Is there something you need?”

“A distraction.”

“Ah.”

“So, you up for it?” Remus pulled himself up from the floor, popping a few joints. “At least for the morning, yeah, Geek?” 

“Of course,” he smirked, “Provided you can call me by actual name at least once in this conversation.” 

Remus grinned, probably coming off more relieved than he intended. “Eh, we’ll see about that one, Dweeb.”

Logan met him halfway down the hall, not looking at all surprised by the response. He looked, if anything, amused. Remus found himself remembering very abruptly that the two of them got along, were probably friends, and somehow that fact was still novel to him. Or maybe it was the mood. Probably both.

“Well, it was worth a try,” Logan reasoned.

“Oh, sure.”

“What were you thinking we should do, anyway?”

Remus raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“I’m afraid that’s off the table,” Logan told him.

“Aw,  _ fine _ . Surprise me, then.”

“That will be hard.”

Remus laughed, unsteady and shrill.

“C’mon, I know you’ve got it in ya.” 

Logan smiled, just-nearly-almost mischievous. “Well. I’ll see what I can do.” 

And for just a second, some of the panic slipped away, leaving behind that strange warmth. 

Patton didn’t exactly let Janus know he was coming by. It had been a long day- or, a long five hour period between ten in the morning and three in the afternoon, but  _ still _ , the idea that there was any day left  _ at all  _ made Patton want to melt into the nearest soft object and never get up. 

When Patton needed to melt, he went to Janus’. Maybe it was the big armchairs; maybe it was the comforting, gooey little white-lies that soaked the atmosphere of his room; maybe it was the fact that his voice was so very easy to fall asleep to. Most likely, at least part of it was because he always seemed to enjoy taking care of people, anyway. 

It was a nice combination, and exactly what was needed. Patton could apologize for not knocking later, ideally when he wasn’t falling asleep where he stood. 

“Jan _ usss _ ,” he groaned, by way of greeting, and promptly collapsed onto the nearest soft surface while the door swung shut behind him. 

Janus blinked at him from across the room, surprise lasting for approximately three seconds. He turned around, and sighed.

“Well, hello to you, too.”

Patton hummed, drearily.

“You look cheery,” Janus quipped, “Anything you’d like to talk about?” 

The question was spoken lightly, but not insincere. Patton lifted his head enough to smile tiredly at the snake. He shrugged, for the room was working it's magic already, as was the easy company to be found there. Stress was easing away, in small bits, evaporating into warm shimmers under his skin. He had no doubt that Janus was doing some of it on purpose, as soon as he’d noticed the mood Patton was in, giving him a blanket of speckled reassurances (which were, as Janus insisted to him time and time again, just a tiny, harmless breed of pleasant lies) in an almost-literal way. 

Most things about the sides’ rooms were like that. Almost-literal; concepts that crept their way into the physical world, if only slightly. Janus was the best at those kinds of things, though. 

“’S just been a tiring day, y’know?” 

Janus sat beside him, toying with some spare yellow strings, weaving and unweaving them almost carelessly. “I do.”

“A tiring night, too,” Patton added, an afterthought, but he found as he said so that it was true. Long in a good way. An impactful way. It felt like something important had happened, something that  _ changed _ , but he didn't quite know what. It was still just as draining, though.

Janus raised an eyebrow, but he did not pry (even if he most likely wanted to).“So, you’ve come here.”

“Do you mind if I just rest in here for a bit?” He said, as he’d already gotten quite comfortable.

“Why don’t I do you one better?”

Patton hummed confusedly, but Janus had already begun urging him to sit up. The snake waved a hand, filling the room with light, swirling piano music. At once the air seemed to grow fuzzy, spicks and specks of what looked like golden glitter floating around- not unlike from the distortion Patton’s own room gave him when he was happy. Janus smiled down at him, summoning a neat little tea set on a tray and fixing them each a cup of the swirling, caramel-colored liquid. 

Patton sighed happily, taking the teacup he was proffered and thanking the lord for whatever he’d done to deserve a friend like Janus. 

Janus sat beside him, balancing the tea tray on an end table, and let their shoulders bump. He wasn’t a touchy person, exactly, but he allowed for a conservative amount of casual intimacy. Occasionally, and in an unspoken way, but still.

The atmosphere had exactly the intended effect. Patton felt paradisiacal. 

“Gosh, what would any of us do without you?” 

Janus hummed. “You’d most certainly perish.”

Patton laughed, his chest lighter already. 

Remus felt good for about ten seconds after leaving Logan’s room and letting the guy get to work, fresh off the good morning he’d had. Then, very promptly, the weight that the remaining hours of daylight carried dropped onto his shoulders, and he would’ve been perfectly willing to claw his brain out to get a moment of reprieve from the whole barrage of irrational terror worming around in it.

Remus didn’t know why it was  _ so bad  _ that day (well- he had a guess, but thinking about it obviously made it suck worse, so). What he did know was that he needed someone to keep fucking distracting him, and that someone could under no circumstances be Patton.

Luckily, avoiding him wasn’t hard- he was still busy, and Remus had a feeling he’d need a rest once Thomas’ crisis was over, anyway- but that didn’t do much to solve the other half of Remus’ problem.

He needed something big, loud, and most importantly, not solo. He needed some _ one  _ that could take up a whole room just as easily as himself, with endless energy to bounce back and forth, back and forth, until neither of them would ever worry about anything other than the moment and whatever it was they would do together… 

Oh, god fucking dammit. 

Remus sunk out to the Imagination. No, not his. The  _ opposite  _ half.

He rose up into more than a blank canvas, but less than a finished work; a vibrant world with gaps and white spots. He might’ve taken the time to look around, but- unsurprisingly- his brother was in front of him, accosting him, immediately. Seriously, it was like he’d teleported. 

“What are  _ you  _ doing here?” Roman snapped, his hands, still splattered with ink, landing on his hips. 

“Aw, so now I’m not even allowed to visit my own flesh and blood, and other various parts?” 

Roman scrunched his nose up. “No, you  _ aren’t  _ allowed. This is my room!”

Remus- as he always did when someone said he couldn’t do something- cackled. 

“I’m serious!” Roman whined, “I’m busy!”

Now, he said that, but Remus knew from personal experience that if Roman wanted him gone, he could’ve forced him out without too much issue- or worse yet, attacked him outright. He didn’t seem to be about to spring, though, not looking any worse than annoyed, so Remus happily decided that this interaction fell into the  _ normal-and-healthy-sibling-bickering  _ category instead of the unfortunately familiar  _ would-genuinely-commit-fratricide-if-possible  _ category. 

He grinned. “Yeah, and I’m bored!”

“Not my problem, and you’re still in my room.” 

“What, worried I’ll gunk up all your magic ponies and Yellow Brick Roads, or whatever it is you like to play with around here?”

“Yes, I am!” Roman scowled, but it looked a lot like he was straining his jaw not to laugh. “And you know I don’t make those, you fiend, I made a unicorn  _ once  _ and that was only because Logan wanted one.”

“You’re shitting me if you say that you weren’t the kid who always wanted a pony, Ro.”

“Well, how’s a pony any better than a thestral _ ,  _ which I seem to remember  _ someone  _ getting all excited about when we first read the-books-that-shall-not-be-named?”

“Ooh! Good idea, we should abso-fucking-lutely make those!” Remus wandered past his brother, looking around at the half-finished scene that he’d walked in on. It was sunny, pleasant- all around very vanilla, but there was at least a sense of adventure thrumming under it that gave the place a kick. With some work, it could actually be, like, fun! “Ever see somebody die? Don’t worry, I can help with that.”

Roman turned to him, looking hilariously incredulous with what was happening.

“Um? Excuse me? This is  _ my  _ domain,” he blinked, and a smug smirk crossed his lips. “Which means that you don’t have the power to make anything here! So, ha!”

Oh, right. That made a lot of sense, actually. How had he forgotten that? It wasn’t like this was the first time he’d tried to make something with his brother, right? 

… _ Wow _ . That had no business hurting as much as it did.

“Uh- Remus?” 

His head snapped up, a smile with too-many teeth already strained across his face. Remus’ head was scattered enough, coming here wasn’t supposed to make it  _ worse. _

“Sure, okay- there’s gotta be some way for us to build stuff together!” 

Roman stared appraisingly at his sibling, apparently thinking before he argued for the one and only time in his life. He tilted his head in confusion, perhaps worry. 

“I- well-” Roman glanced at what he’d been making, and down at his hands. “I’m sure I could, perhaps,  _ let  _ you have power here. Just this once.” He huffed. “It’s my room, right? So there’s no reason why I couldn’t do that, if I wanted.”

“Do you?” 

“Ugh.” Roman rolled his eyes, perfunctorily. “ _ Fine _ . I don’t know what’s up with you, but I’d rather you be your normal weird-self than… whatever this is,” Roman stuck his hand out, his chin raised like it was a challenge. “Good?”

Remus grabbed his hand (and did not buzzer him, or slime him, even though it would have been  _ so easy _ \- because they were having A Moment and even he could appreciate the sanctity of something like that). 

“Yeah,” he said. “We’re good."

Roman, as it turned out, was able to tolerate Remus for a whopping six hours, right up until five p.m., and only shooed him away in order to finish the project that he’d more-or-less happily dropped when Remus stopped by. So Roman wasn’t the worst brother in the world, Remus acknowledged. He then resolved to never, under any circumstances, say that to Roman’s face. 

The door to the Imagination shut with a click. The sound matched almost perfectly with another, sharper one down the hall, what Remus recognized as Janus’ door closing. He glanced up with a grin, wondering if he could maybe get Snakey to distract him for a while- only to lock eyes with precisely what he needed distracting from.

Patton smiled at him. He looked tired, relaxed, and raised a hand in some semblance of a wave. It would probably be a great opportunity to unwind together, talk stuff out, and  _ definitely  _ curl into each other on the couch.

Remus wasn’t going to take that opportunity, though.

Remus stared back at Patton for all of three seconds, the grin sliding off his face, before barging through the nearest door and slamming it behind himself. 

Shit.  _ Fuck.  _ What the hell did he do that for? It was just Patton, Remus knew Patton; there was no reason to be jittery enough to bolt from him  _ twice.  _ There was no way Patton wouldn’t think he was mad- which he wasn’t, even if he barely understood why he was losing it, he knew it wasn’t anger. But Patton wouldn’t know that, and he’d cry, probably, and Remus wasn’t sure if he was good enough at comforting people to fix it after. Christ, maybe he couldn’t fix it, maybe he’d still be too keyed up to talk to Pat, even if he started bawling! 

“Hey? What the fuck?”

Remus spun around, and yeah, he could’ve guessed whose room he ended up in without the gravelly voice to give it away, given  _ that  _ little spiral. A surprised-looking Virgil stared up at him, sitting cross-legged on a spiderweb bedspread. 

Remus ignored the thin layer of anxiety still rolling under his skin (now that he could place it), and shrugged, sliding until he sat on the floor.

“Oh, hi,” he said.

“Yeah, hi to you too, but my question still stands:” Virgil clapped his hands together, “What. The fuck?” 

Remus considered a few possible snarky responses, but found that most of them were pretty pathetic. Besides, evading vulnerable situations was more of Janus’ thing, and Remus didn’t want to steal his bit. 

“I’m hiding like a little bitch, so don’t kick me out, or I’ll maul you.”

Virgil’s eyebrows went up, but the surprise in his face was being replaced, slowly, by confused resignation. “Okay, cool. Why here, and why me?”

“First door.”

“Yeah, that’s about my luck,” he blew his bangs out of his face, “So like, you’re not gonna go anywhere else?”

Remus thought about it, but it was an easy choice. If he was gonna whine to anybody about something like this, he decided, it’d probably be Virgil. Virgil was good with fear, he was good with Patton, and he was good at making fun of shit if a conversation got too serious. 

“Nah. Sorry, Emo Boy, but I’ve already annoyed Logan  _ and  _ my dipshit brother today. Looks like it’s your turn!”

“What about Janus?”

“Eh, he’s a live-in therapist for the rest of you already. I think I’ll give him the day off.”

Virgil rolled his eyes, sighing with all the exasperation of a teenage burnout and not a thirty-year-old metaphysical humanoid.

“Okay, okay- and why’s Patton off the table? He, like, actually enjoys helping people,” Virgil glanced down, scuffing the carpet with the side of his foot. “He’s good at it, too.”

“ _ Yeahhhh _ ,” Remus locked his teeth together, inhaled through them, “About that.”

“What, aren’t you two all close now?” Virgil frowned, “I fuckin’  _ saw  _ you guys at the meeting yesterday, you were so on top of each other, I feel like I forgot that you were two separate sides,” to anybody who didn’t know him, the way he talked about it would sound harsh. Remus, however, knew exactly how soft Virgil really was- the fucking poser- and that that shit? That was pure encouragement, raw as a bloody, bloody steak. 

Which, of course, only made Remus wince again.

He flopped sideways onto the floor, groaning. “Yeah, we’re  _ close _ . That’s- I think that might be the problem?” That sounded right, almost, but just wrong enough to feel icky and annoying. “Ugh, I don’t  _ know _ . So I just ran!”

There was a beat.

“Wait a second,” Virgil’s voice was tight- oh that bitch, he was laughing! “You’re hiding from  _ Patton _ ?”

Remus huffed. Okay, so maybe it was a little funny, he could appreciate that- but! He was still upset about it!!

“I mean, what has  _ he  _ done to scare  _ you  _ off?” Virgil pressed, “Too many compliments? Did he hug you too hard? I know the dude can be a lot sometimes, but-”

“Okay,  _ ok-ay _ ,” Remus couldn’t help it, he managed a laugh at it, too. “It’s ridiculous! It’s fucking ridiculous and he’s not even the problem!”

“Then what is the problem?” Virgil was snickering, “And don’t say that it’s you, dude. At least one of us around here has to not hate himself to hell and back, and you’ve defended that title for too long to lose it,” he cleared his throat right after he said it, sitting up straighter and trying to look like he hadn’t just been laughing like a huge dork. “Not that I’m, like, worried about you or anything.”

“ _ Aw _ , you so  _ are _ ,” Remus stared up at the ceiling, grinning despite the ache in his chest. “But no, it’s not that. He thinks I’m awesome and he’s right, so don’t worry.”

Virgil leaned over him, staring upside-down at Remus. He squinted.

“Hey, this a serious problem?”

“I guess so. You can joke about it, though.”

“Cool. Um,” Virgil pulled away. Remus sat up, watching the trait cross one leg over the other, flip them, then tap his knee one-two-three- _ etc.  _ times. He chewed on his lip. The whole nine yards of a classic Focused-Virgil Face. “Okay. You can tell me about it, seriously. I’ll try to help, or whatever.”

Remus blinked at him.

“Don’t- Jesus- don’t make a big deal out of it, dude-”

“Oh, I  _ am _ .”

“I don’t even have a choice, okay, you’re the one who-”

“You’re so  _ sweet _ , Virgey!”

“Remus, I swear to God, repeat that to anyone and I…” 

Virgil trailed off. Remus pouted at him, dramatically, his eyes practically glowing with mischief. “C’mon, aren’t you going to threaten me?”

“I  _ was _ , and then I remembered that you’re like, actually into that kinda stuff, so. No. Nope, I’m good.”

“Fine,” he shrugged, “Looks like you’re resigned to just hearing about my feelings, instead!”

Virgil rolled his eyes again- of course he did- but there was no hiding the way he went quiet, patient, you could even call it attentive.

It was an offering, one that Remus didn’t hesitate to take. 

Patton left Janus’ room in a good mood.

He was in a considerably less good mood when, as soon as he’d left, Remus saw him and scrambled away like Patton was about to attack him where he stood- wide-eyed with fear and everything.

Patton swayed in the hallway for seconds after, uncertain about a lot of things suddenly. 

The room Remus had run into had definitely been Virgil’s, not his own, and for a moment Patton entertained the idea of just going up to knock. He dropped that thought quick, realizing that if he really wasn’t wanted, then he definitely didn’t want to  _ confirm  _ that he wasn’t wanted.

He might have gone back to Janus- Janus was smart, Janus knew how to explain things and solve problems and comfort people- but that was scrapped, too. He’d taken up plenty of the snake’s time already, firstly, and secondly… No, yeah, Patton already knew just who he needed to see for something like this. 

Logan set aside his laptop as soon as Patton walked into the common room, a surprisingly perceptive gesture for someone who claimed to be bad with feelings. Or maybe Patton had just gotten rusty at hiding them.

“Hi,” he greeted, wobbly.

“Hello,” Logan said, “You look upset.”

Patton stared at the wall just above his friend’s head, and nodded.

“Can I help?”

He paused. It was a bad habit- one of many!- but feeling unwanted by one side made him wonder if, maybe, he was unwanted by everyone. The thought formed a lump in his throat and had guilt pooling in his gut, but this was  _ Logan _ . His best friend, the person he had gone to because he always knew just where he stood with him. If Logan didn’t want to help- no, because he always  _ wanted _ to- if he couldn’t handle helping, then he would tell Patton that. He always did.

“I think Remus is upset with me,” Patton blurted it out quickly, just so he didn’t have to hear them. Logan vanished his laptop at once, gesturing to the spot beside him on the sofa. Patton sat with him, smiling feebly.

“Has he said anything of the sort?”

“No,” Patton picked at the sleeve of his sweater, “He didn’t really have to. He kind of… ran away from me?”

Logan’s eyes widened behind his frames, almost imperceptibly. “I see.”

“I don’t even know what I did,” Patton flushed with the admission, because of just how true it was. He had no idea what he did, and still he felt blame settling over him like a well worn blanket, and all that he could do was hope it wasn’t as bad as the last time. “I feel like I should know this stuff by now, shouldn’t I?”

There was a pause, as Logan processed the words carefully, seemed to turn them over in his head. 

“Be careful not to jump to conclusions, Patton. He typically freely expresses how he is feeling at any given time, so even if his actions seem to say otherwise, it’s entirely possible that he’s not upset with you,” Logan smiled reassuringly. “I find that most of his actions are meaningless. He’s a very weird creature.”

Patton managed to laugh at that. Logan leaned their shoulders together, a little pride flashing in his eyes, as he continued. “He did seem to be ‘out of it’, in a manner of speaking, when we spoke earlier today. It would make sense if that had worsened over the past few hours, and now he’s just particularly flighty. All in all, I wouldn’t read too much into it, if I were you.”

Patton nodded, resolutely not mentioning that they’d spent the night together, however relevant that was. He knew it would sound paranoid to imply that their intimacy had backfired, or come too quick- because Patton _ was _ paranoid, and certainly a little neurotic, and the less he voiced it the better. 

Instead, he followed the advice he didn’t believe, and let himself rest against his friend. Logan had laced their fingers together; it wasn’t as comforting as it usually was. 

Logan was only so touchy when it was for the sake of others, and almost always that ‘other’ was Patton. A fact that made the needy trait feel amazingly special most of the time, but on nights like that… More than anything, he felt  _ greedy. _

“I’ll ask him about it,” Patton promised, because he knew that was what Logan would suggest (even if the idea made him more than a little dreadfilled). “Maybe I overwhelmed him. He’s been cuddly, so I thought…” Patton shook his head, bile hitting the back of his throat as the realization collapsed upon him. “That’s probably it. I must have took it too far.”

Logan didn’t pry, but Patton could feel his concern mount just as well as he could see the frown on his face.

“Talking to him will be the best course of action,” he said plainly. “For the time being, though,” he released Patton’s hand, wrapping his arm loosely around Patton’s waist and leaving it there. “It might be beneficial for you to receive more reassurance. Is this alright?”

“ _ Yes _ ,” Patton ducked his head, knowing full well how obviously relieved he sounded, “Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me, I’m happy to help,” Logan told him, and he had no doubt that it was true. Still, it always surprised him anyway- and that at least was a good thing about a friend who was so reserved. The pleasant surprises.

Patton sat up enough to rest his head on top of Logan’s, a position that was almost but not quite cuddling.

“I sincerely hope,” Logan muttered, “That everything will be alright for you.”

Whether he was speaking  _ only  _ about the Remus situation or not was unclear.

“Me too.”

“If it’s any consolation, it’s very difficult to stay upset with you, if he truly is so. In my experience, at least.”

Patton sighed. “Thanks, buddy.”

“Of course. Your happiness is-... _you_ , are very important to me, and I can only hope that you’ve made a friend that values you as much as I do.”

Patton knew what he meant by it. Both he and Logan were acutely aware of how different they were, and how little they matched with each other. Patton couldn’t understand him- not wanting to be showered in love, enjoying silence and a little bit of alone time, needing space. He knew that Logan didn’t get him, either- didn’t know why he cried all the time, or why nothing ever seemed to fix him for good, or why he said so many things that went without saying. They still struggled with each other’s languages, sometimes, but they’d gotten miles and miles better with it over the years. Sometimes Patton thought that the only way they’d become so close was sheer willpower, pushing past each misunderstanding and argument just because they liked the challenge of it. Determination was always a common thread between them, whatever differences they had.

They had to have boundaries, then. Logan might not hold Patton on his worst days, but he’d give him notes and gifts and bring him water, food, things that he neglected for himself. Patton didn’t have any of the right words to talk Logan down when things got bad, but he was always there to cheer him back up when he was ready again. Neither of them understood each other, and maybe they never would, but they cared. Even if they couldn’t be what the other needed, they cared, and that was all they had to do. 

So even if Logan couldn’t fix things, Patton thought, he still did a hell of a good job patching them up. 

“Hey. Hey!”

Patton turned around with a jolt, his fingers going tight in the blanket about his shoulders. How long he’d been downstairs, he didn’t know- but he knew that he was really, very tired, and now was left blinking and confused at the person accosting him with so much energy. 

“Um, hi,” Patton tried.

Remus had run up to him at once, and was just as suddenly seizing both of his hands. Patton might have taken a moment to appreciate the touch, but with just one sentence that positivity crumbled:

“I need to talk to you.”

Patton shoved a plastic smile onto his face. He always felt a little icky to be faking it, but with Remus, the shame was especially thick. Still, it was only instinct. 

“Okay.”

Patton opened the door; the Duke marched in without waiting for invitation, and he followed. 

Dread dripped down his spine like melting ice cubes.  _ This is fine _ , Patton told himself firmly, once they were both sitting feet apart on the bed. He refused to think too hard about what the distance meant- if it meant anything at all, or if he was only being ridiculous.

“Sorry about today,” Remus began, “Really. I was freaking out for the stupidest fucking reason. You’ll laugh when I tell you!”

Patton didn’t laugh, but he smiled a little more wholly. If Remus  _ was  _ upset with him, the apology must’ve meant at least some of that had faded away. Probably.

“It’s okay, Mess,” the nickname rolled off his tongue easily. Remus grinned at him, but it was somehow more manic than usual.

“I probably got you all worried over nothing, bolting on you before you could wake up- and then again earlier, right?”

There was a pause, as Patton tried to decide if the question was rhetoric or not. When the silence stretched on uncomfortably, he found himself nodding. 

Remus huffed out a breath, rocking back and staring up at the ceiling. “Yeah, I- I’m still working at the whole self-improvement thing, ya know? That probably doesn’t make it better, but- I’ve never really had a reason to try and be, uh, considerate. Janus never really cared if I was a bitch, and nobody else ever  _ mattered _ , and that- yeah, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about.” 

His voice was raspy, low and thick in a way that it almost never was. Patton tipped his head to the side, confused. Remus looked- and sounded-  _ awkward _ , an expression that was not at home on his face. 

“Wait, um- so it wasn’t anything I did? You’re not upset with me?”

Remus looked at him like he was crazy (ironic, that).

“Upset with you?” He crowed, “Why the fuck would I be upset with you?”

Patton flushed; he laughed embarrassedly, or maybe in relief; he toyed with the sleeves of his sweater.

“I didn’t really- I don’t know, but I was worried that I’d, um, overstepped some boundaries last night, and maybe made you uncomfortable.”

He was only kind of looking at his friend, from out the corners of his eyes. It was still easy to see the way Remus went from confused to amused, and then burst into cackles.

“You- You-  _ Me?  _ Morey, please, it takes a  _ lot  _ to make me uncomfortable- if that’s even possible, actually- and you sure as shit haven’t figured out how to pull it off yet. Sugar, I  _ asked _ to stay with you!”

The relief flooded Patton all in a rush, and he felt himself finally relax. With Remus laughing and joking and being his usual (sweet, impressively sweet, surprisingly so) self again, it all started seeming a little silly. Remus must’ve seen him coming untense, folding down the same way accordion-pressed paper sprawled out when it was released from a bored student’s hand, because his gaze went warm, like something had finally clicked into place in his head. A problem solved, and what a wonderful solution it had come to- that’s what the look said. 

Patton met the smile just as brightly when the Duke shifted over some of the distance between them, taking up both of Morality’s hands in his own yet again. 

“Well, since it wasn’t something I did,” Patton said, “Then what was the actual problem?”

Remus didn’t look too upset at the question, but he was glancing down, up, sideways- his pupils flitted around the room without really touching on anything for too long; it wasn’t often that he was so obviously thinking something through. His fingers flexed, face a little pink, and he  _ hesitated  _ before answering:

“Okay, it’s like I said, right? I don’t- I’ve never needed to try to be anything for anybody before. I mean that I never wanted to do things in a conform-y way, obviously, but, I never wanted to be considerate, either,” he smirked down at their tangled hands, shrugging. “I don’t think I’m doing too bad for a first try, to be honest- but that’s not the point, the point  _ is _ \- this is… new.”

Patton opened his mouth, reassurances rushing to the tip of his tongue before he was hastily shushed.

“No, look, there’s a difference between being a pushover and just being fucking  _ nice  _ to the people you care about. That’s the problem- or I thought it was a problem, in my dipshit lizard-panic brain this morning- right? I’ve never  _ wanted  _ to do anything for people, because I didn’t  _ need  _ them anyway. I figured I didn’t, I guess, cuz I could survive without ‘em- it wasn’t like I had a choice, but I got on fine. Not to be too… I don’t know, pathetic? Who cares, but- I never knew anything different.”

Patton’s eyes went wide and watery, like the blue of his irises were soaking into everything else and leaking, leaking, leaking. He was squeezing Remus’ hands a little too tight, certainly, and he just wanted to  _ hug  _ him so bad- but despite his words, Remus didn’t even seem to need it. He looked back at Patton, huffed a sigh, looking just plain  _ amused. _

“So this hit me when I was talking to Virgil, about ten minutes ago,” he started, “That I woke up today, with you, and I had this thought like… Fuck, I don’t ever wanna move again. I could starve and then start to decompose and probably rot into bloody mush, but I’d probably still be perfectly happy- which is weird, because starvation is easily one of the boringest ways to die, I could go out so much cooler- but, it was more the fact that I was with you, and uh. So, so I thought  _ that _ \- which is so dumb and sappy- and it surprised me so bad that I just ran. And after I had, I was so freaked out, I didn’t even remember why for!”

He took a deep breath, something that he hadn’t done for that entire ramble. Patton got the sense he still wasn’t finished though, and waited patiently.

“I never needed anybody caring about me for me to be okay- the screaming and the fleeing and all that was fine, it was still a reaction. But I think I just realized that I couldn’t go back to that, now.

“Because of  _ you.  _ I knew I liked you, but it never clicked that things would probably suck without you by this point. More than that, I guess- it hit me that just because I  _ can _ take care of myself, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t fucking blow. That I don’t- I don’t  _ want  _ to be so independent again, okay? That I don’t wanna be alone anymore.”

And he couldn’t help it at all; Patton did hug him, then. He pulled him against his chest as soon as he noticed the words going choppy, choked, and halting. He let go of Remus’ hands, in favor of tangling his fingers in the Duke’s hair and carding through it.

Remus met the embrace with just as much fervor, curling up into the bigger trait. Yet somehow, he wasn’t crying yet.

“Hey, hey, I’m alright,” he murmured, “I mean, don’t let go, obviously- but I’m okay. I had all day to panic! Which I definitely did, by the way, because my whole worldview got screwed over. Finally know how you feel, I guess,” He was joking, Patton could hear his smile. He laughed. “But I got it out of my system, and ya know what I realized after that?”

Patton hummed attentively, letting Remus pull back just enough to see his face.

“I said, ‘okay, I’m processing that, and it doesn’t matter.’ It doesn’t matter because I only realized that maybe I need people once I already had them, and- no offense- but you don’t really seem like the abandoning type. The opposite, that’s what you are.”

Patton  _ beamed _ . 

“Of course not,” he swore, pressing the words out as though intensity alone could make them more true, more pure. “Never, not ever.”

“Good,” Remus said, “Cuz I’m hanging on to ya, Pat. As long as I can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok!! That sure was something!! the motivation of this chapter was I felt bad for not including the other sides, like, at *all* within the central plot. oh also i wanted an opportunity to sink my teeth into the friendship dynamics of patton-logan and remus-virgil in particular :3  
> Uhh please leave comments!! They really mean a lot to me and I seriously appreciate them <33  
> -WJ


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some scenes about epiphanies and adoration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay!! Second chapter of the day is going up!! see how efficient i am being ?? don't get used to it <3 /j  
> For this chapter I looked at myself and I said, "ok wae, im taking off the leash now, im removing the self-imposed leash of no yearning" and the second i did this i started foaming at the mouth to make this the most Emotionally Dramatic thing ever and reiterate that Remus and Patton love each other So Much all the time. this was a very fun decision on my part, and it leaves us with a few thousand words of delirious fluff.  
> oh, and a bit of angst in the middle i suppose, but don't you worry about that. It's not too bad :).  
> -WJ

In three weeks, Patton and Remus had gone from borderline insomnia to a sleep schedule that could’ve impressed even Logan. 

And in three weeks, neither had spent a single night alone.

The talk they’d had after their first sleepover ended up leaving more of an impact than either had realized. Maybe it should’ve been expected: they were both accustomed to saying exactly what they meant, exactly how they meant it, and any sort of vow to ‘never let go’ couldn’t be used lightly for two creatures like that. 

So, independently, they both decided to be as literal as they could about it. God, were they  _ clingy _ .

But it worked better than anything. There was less aching, more talking, and if  _ they  _ were feeling better, the whole Mindpalace improved. Something something, the delicate ecosystem of the human mind, blah blah. 

And then it worked  _ too  _ well. 

Neither of them really knew what had happened, or how to feel about it (it might have been sad or strange that neither had ever had anything to compare it to, but if asked, they’d both say that’s what made it so special. They’d be right to say so, of course).  _ It  _ was what they had, together.

It wasn’t romantic- they’d seen romantic, knew it as well as they could, didn’t care for it. But in the end who cared about semantics? It didn’t matter, the reasons  _ why  _ Patton stared after his friend for a little too long, or  _ what  _ was making it so hard for Remus not to kiss his pal smack on the lips every time he smiled. Another thing that didn’t matter was the  _ why  _ in response to how they still hadn’t talked about it, but… Patton and Remus had resolved that as a problem for another time.

What mattered was that it just  _ was. _

(And another thing that mattered, a little bit, was the  _ how  _ it had happened, and both of them understood that perfectly well.)

Remus lounged on the floor at the foot of his bed, Patton behind and above him. Patton’s fingers were working steadily through his mess of hair, while the pair half-watched TV. They didn’t agree on most shows, and neither of them were especially crazy about arguing, which meant it was twenty minutes of roundabout conversation until they stumbled across something they could mutually zone out to. Whatever. The system worked.

Remus typically preoccupied himself with drawing, painting, or carving some material into something or other (said something-or-other was almost always a knife or a dildo. Occasionally, it was both). 

Patton seemed to favor being distracted by Remus’ hair, though it wasn’t clear why. Remus hadn’t asked; it felt nice, and he was surprised that anyone would actually want to thread their fingers through those oily strings, so why question a good thing? 

Actually, a better question was why not. The thought had stuck in his mind, and he had nothing better to do- art block and all- so. Remus tossed his sketchbook to the side and twisted up to look at Patton.

“Why do you do that?”

Patton glanced down at him. “Do what?”

Remus reached up, prying Patton’s hands out of his hair and holding them up like evidence. Patton blinked at them, and okay,  _ cute _ \- but he looked genuinely surprised by the question. 

“Oh, playing with your hair? I mean, there’s no real  _ reason _ , I guess it’s just mindless. Something to fidget with, y’know? It’s always all tangled up, too, so it’s like a little puzzle- a puzzle I probably won’t solve all the way ever, but that’s most puzzles with me to be honest,” he smiled brightly, creasing all his laugh lines just right. “Also, um, it feels nice that I get to stay touching you, even if it’s just something small,” he shrugged, sort of sheepishly. “Is that weird?”

But Remus was beaming up at him, definitely looking all sorts of stupid for it, and definitely not caring. He dropped Patton’s hands, letting them find their way back into his coils and matts of hair. 

“You’re asking the wrong guy, Sugar Cookie, but you can keep messing with my hair all you want. It probably is weird, in that case, because I  _ like  _ that you have your hands on me so much-” Jesus  _ Christ  _ it was so hard not to make a sex joke, Remus had to stifle several from breaking his train of thought. Ugh, the things he did for this man. “-And if I like something, it’s 100% freaky!”

Patton just laughed, his nose scrunching up while he ruffled Remus’ hair. 

“That’s- that’s good to know,” an index finger coiled around silver strands, and Patton’s eyes sparkled in the most literal sense, “Hey, Remus?”

Remus let his head rest on the side’s thigh, humming attentively. 

“When you say I can mess with it…”

He looked up with a delightful anticipation, grinning before Patton had even finished his sentence. 

“Can I braid your hair?” The question accompanied by a faint tug at Remus’ scalp, and the feeling of several tangles coming undone, “I’m pretty good at it. Virgil used to let me do his- not so much anymore, but, um. Anyway, yours would be long enough- or maybe longer, if I got these knots out,” he smiled, kindly, “But I know you like having it knotty, so it’s okay if you don’t want me to.”

Remus thought it over, because yeah, he was very proud of his rat’s nest. Besides, he was sure that even if it got straightened out, it’d still be just as greasy as ever- ohh, but that could be a look all on its own, couldn’t it? Maybe he could even weave some garbage into the plait! 

“Sure!” Remus assented, “The rest of me’s  _ naughty  _ enough to make up for the hairdo, so have at ‘er.”

Patton snorted at the pun, obviously excited to get started. When he ushered Remus to turn around, his hands easily undoing clumps of hair with surprising focus, humming to himself all the while, Remus was absolutely certain he’d made the right choice.

It was done in an hour- Patton was slow and careful about every movement. Remus didn’t really mind, though he’d try to assure Patton that it was fine to do it in a hurry, that he wasn’t so sensitive. (Patton didn’t, obviously, ignoring Remus’ comments about how it didn’t even matter because they weren’t real, and pain was a construct. Patton was stubbornly gentle, to the point that Remus couldn’t be annoyed by it. He might even say it was sweet, if he was feeling particularly sappy.)

It had also taken such time because of the decorations Patton had woven into his hair, which he insisted would be surprises. So Remus was bouncing with excitement all the way to the mirror- cuz even though he was sure it wouldn’t be anything like the live bugs, weeds, and dead flowers that he’d had in mind to thread in there himself, he knew it’d at least be pretty. Pretty wasn’t really his thing, sure, but Patton’s brand of pretty? It had grown on him.

The mirror in Remus’ room was chipped, slick with grime, and filled with silhouettes that vanished as soon as you turned around, but it worked just fine. Remus hauled himself over to it, peered in, and okay, he  _ definitely  _ didn’t mind a little bit of pretty.

“You weren’t fucking around when you said you were good at this, Morey!”

In their reflections, Remus saw Patton smile, going a bit pink around the ears. He glanced back to himself, eyes trailing appreciatively down the shoulder-length braid of dark, greasy hair. His grey streak wasn’t twisted in with the rest of the locks, instead it had been left out in front, springy and curly and giving the whole look a messier vibe. The braid itself seemed inky-slick, shot through with glittering hair clips and pins. At first, they looked like plain plastic jewels, but with closer inspection the shapes of tiny beetles, bugs, and moths were unmistakable. They were gorgeous, and probably a better call than putting actual live bugs in his hair; he was less likely to end up eating the sparkly clips, at any rate.

But if all that wasn’t enough, then there were the ribbons. Whip-thin and several in number, they sparkled with enough course glitter to impress a Las Vegas body paint artist. Some were a pukey neon green, and the rest a light, bright-

“Blue?”

Patton met Remus’ eyes, through the mirror again, and the pink slowly traveled from his ears down to his face. He shrugged, grazing the blue-and-green bow where the braid was tied off with the tips of his fingers. 

“I guess I got a little carried away,” he smiled lightly, “I thought it looked nice, with the green.”

Remus looked away from the glass, “You’re not wrong about that,” he muttered.

Patton shrugged, not quite making his eyes. 

“You can take those ones out, if you want to.”

_ That _ \- the way Patton went flustered and shy and he’d put  _ his colors  _ on  _ Remus _ \- it gave the Duke a very strong urge to do  _ something _ . The urge pulled at his chest, feeling like cracked ribs in the best way, and it really wasn’t fucking around when it wrapped around his heart and squeezed so tight it felt like it was forcing all the blood right out of him. 

Remus was used to impulses, and the powerful, mind-halting swells of emotion, but this was new and fun and it had jumped out of nowhere even for  _ him _ . He was staring at Patton, and he had the urge to do  _ something _ . He would’ve done it, too, if only he knew what the fuck it was that he wanted. 

It had to do with Patton. He should start there, probably.

“I’m gonna keep them in, duh,” Remus replied, finally, and his voice was way louder than it needed to be, “Wouldn’t wanna fuck up the look.” 

Patton glanced at him, smiling self-consciously, and his hand lowered from Remus’ hair to rest on his shoulder. For a moment Remus felt blind, vision white-out and trouble breathing, from whatever the fuck he was feeling, and he just didn’t know what to  _ do _ .

Then Patton laughed, his ocean eyes squinted, and the burning impulse plummeted to an ache. A giddy, unfamiliar kind of ache. A manageable ache. 

Remus resolved to forget it. He had lots of instincts, and urges, and God knew that not even half of them made sense. It had left, that was what mattered, and he could enjoy the rest of his day with his friend.

He’d never been the type to worry, anyway.

There were days that Patton just… couldn’t make it out of bed. He tried, he really did, but he could only go for so long before it all started crumbling. He’d wake up, and something would just feel  _ wrong _ , and he’d know that it was a doomed day, but he still made the stubborn effort to save it. Because each time he thought, maybe he’d beat it, maybe he’d make the best of it- and sometimes he did, but most of the time he made it as far as breakfast, and then he was right back in his room by noon to let the depressive episode take over.

So yeah. It was one of Those Days. 

Patton laid in bed, propped up on pillows and stuffed animals with his unfocused eyes staring just above the television. Bad days had been getting rare, and naively, Patton had thought that meant it was over for good. When he woke up that morning, Remus barely stirring beside him, the empty feeling inside was almost ignorable. 

He’d stayed above it for all of two-and-a-half hours before retreating to his room again, this time on his own.

Patton was always alone when he got in one of his moods, and he knew it was better that way. He was no fun at all, just a sad sack of  _ blah _ , and he knew just how intolerable he ended up being. He couldn’t even tolerate himself.

So each time Patton would tell the other sides that he needed some space alone, and of course they respected that. Roman always hugged him before he left. Virgil checked on him every now and then. Logan, without fail, sent him extra plushies (and sweet snacks, however much he disapproved of unhealthy eating, because he knew how much sugar cheered Patton up). It didn’t fix the ache, but it helped, knowing that people were worried about him. 

But, back to that particular day; the day that left Patton huddled up at the head of his bed with blank, glazed-over eyes; the first day of its kind since Remus had been staying with him. 

It had gotten… harder, somehow. The fact that it had been gone for so long, and he’d been so optimistic, but now it was all  _ back _ … 

Patton buried his face in the soft fabric of a teddy bear, shaking and crying and feeling so, so, cold.

It went on for a few horrible, horrible minutes, and then there were noises that definitely weren’t sobs. Down the hall; the slamming of a door, followed by distant muttering, and then excited footsteps. Heavy, clunky footsteps. Sounds that brought back acute deja vu, and had Patton glancing up just in time to realize what was about to happen. 

His door swung open, and Remus was grinning at him from the entrance. Patton struggled to put on a smile in time, scrubbing frantically at his eyes. 

“Hey! It’s, like, two o’clock, are you ready?”

Patton blinked up at him, partially in confusion, partially to try and stop the flow of tears. “Ready…?” 

Remus’ face fell a little, and he came forwards into the room. 

“Yeah…” Remus shut the door behind him- with less force than usual- and sat cross-legged on the foot of the bed. He stared intently at Patton, frown deepening all the while, pupils flitting around as he seemed to take in every detail of his friend’s condition. Patton wanted to squirm. “We were gonna- are you  _ okay _ ?” 

He stared dumbly at Remus for a second more, and then it clicked: they had plans today. He could barely remember what they were supposed to do- they’d been talking so quick, so excited, so  _ happy _ \- but Patton was pretty sure it had to do with a new creation of Remus’. 

Which was… something he definitely, definitely didn’t have the energy for. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” Patton sat up straight, trying desperately to stop trembling, “I completely forgot, I just- um- I don’t know if I can make it today.”

That sounded bad, didn’t it? Wouldn’t that be the icing on top of the cake, if he hurt Remus’ feelings just because he was wallowing for basically no reason. It probably wouldn’t even be that bad if he sucked it up and went along with it anyway- except Janus kept insisting how bad self-sacrifice was, but- what else was he supposed to  _ do _ !?

“Oh, it’s okay,” Remus said, not sounding hurt at all. “I’d be more pissed if I thought you were just bailing, and I know you don’t do that, Pat. Plus, you’re obviously upset, so don’t worry about it.”

Patton glanced up to find him still _staring_ , somehow more intense than before, and much closer than before. He looked- he looked worried. Not upset. Worried. 

“Oh,” Patton looked away again, unable to stand the scrutiny, “Okay.” 

A hand slipped into his, prying open his clenched fist, and he had to stifle a gasp at the touch. Temperature shock, that was the best word for it. Patton shivered. 

“Can I help you?”

Patton’s eyes went wide at the sweet sincerity in Remus’ voice, the way he said it as plainly and openly as he’d say anything else. Even if it wasn’t a big deal, really, with Patton’s emotions in the state that they were, while he was in his room of all places, anything could send him breaking down again.

“I- I don’t, um-” he blinked furiously, had done that a lot since Remus found him; it was beginning to make him feel dizzy. “Nothing’s  _ really _ wrong…” 

Remus squeezed his hand. 

“Well, what isn’t really wrong?” 

“What?”

“You said nothing’s ‘really’ wrong, so, what’s wrong-but-not-really?”

Patton tipped his head to the side, for a moment more confused than he was aching. “How do you mean?”

But Remus just rolled his eyes- not unkindly- and shrugged. 

“So, you don’t know why you’re all…  _ sad _ ,” the emphasis made Patton wince, “But I figure that being sad at all usually makes other things  _ wrong _ , too, and I can help with those things! For example-” he pitched forwards suddenly, ruby-reds wide and searching. He sniffed at Patton (probably not for any kind of actual inspection, but it made him laugh, and judging from Remus’ proud little smirk that had been on purpose.) “You had anything to eat? Or, uh, water? Those are supposed to be important.”

Oh, right. That. 

Patton leaned away, pulling his hand out of Remus’ grasp as he flushed abashedly. But he didn’t- well, he wasn’t going to  _ lie  _ to  _ Remus _ .

“I guess I haven’t, no,” he tried to laugh it off- this didn’t have to be a thing, it didn’t have to be serious, if he kept laughing. If he got Remus to laugh.

But Remus was already standing, and that brought up another very effective solution; if Patton was being depressing, maybe he would just get sick of it and go. 

“Okay, we’ll start there! Wait here, I’ll be back in- ten minutes? Sure, that’s how long it takes to make food,” Remus was muttering half to himself, but it sure as heck didn’t sound like leaving.

“Oh, you don’t have to get me anything!” Patton insisted, because if Remus  _ wasn’t  _ escaping yet, then he wasn’t going to mooch off of his generosity. “Thanks for the reminder, I’ll- I’ll make sure to grab something soon.”

Remus stopped by the door, tipped his head from one side to the other, pretending to think it over.

“Hm. Nah.”

Patton tried to stand, and found that he was somehow too weak for even that much.

“Remus, please, I- I can’t even eat the same stuff as you, anyway! Don’t go through all that trouble for little old me,” he was edging on frantic, and he didn’t know  _ why  _ he was fighting so hard against receiving needed help, but it probably had something to do with Catholicism. 

Remus looked completely bewildered- a funny look, for him- and said:

“I mean, I wasn’t about to feed you hygiene products, or ceramic, or whatever. I know that  _ I  _ eat weird shit, Pat, that’s kind of the  _ point _ \- but I still know how to make a sandwich? And I know how to hold a cup under the sink so that water goes in it?” 

His voice took on a gently mocking tone. Patton glanced away, sheepish, and couldn’t find a response to that beyond a short nod.

Which was all Remus needed as the go-ahead, darting out of the room and down the stairs before Patton could argue any further. 

Patton stared after him, listened to him bustling around downstairs, and tried to feel comforted. He fell back against his pillows, breathing slow and concentrated. He was still shaking, with his previous exhaustion coming back full force. Some of the light-headedness, certainly, had to be due to the lack of eating, but he was unfortunately sure that it wasn’t even the half of it.

Patton was conflicted: He had to tell Remus that he was okay, as soon as he returned. Say thanks for the food, that it had helped, and they could spend time together tomorrow, Patton would promise. Get Remus away before it got  _ bad _ , before the dam he’d built so carefully behind his eyes fell and the blue of them spilled out for hours. 

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t lie about his feelings- he knew it was bad for him, and he couldn’t keep doing it, not to someone’s face. Not somebody he cared about so much.

He wanted to let Remus stay, beg him to stay if he had to, just so he didn’t have to dig up all his long-buried emotions on his own. He wanted to pull him in and beg for help, even though he knew nothing had managed to help him before, and it was so futile. 

When the door opened some ten minutes later, Patton didn’t sit up. He didn’t even  _ look _ up, scared he’d cry if he so much as moved his eyes in his own skull. 

“Hey.”

The sound of the door shutting, followed by those heavy footsteps. A soft  _ thunk _ , presumably the plate of food being placed on his bedside table. Then the mattress dipped beside him, springs creaking. 

“ _ Hey _ ,” Remus said again, “Look at me.”

Patton rolled his head tentatively to the side. Remus was sitting with him, looking at him, his expression twisted up and solemn in all the worst ways. Patton felt the dam begin to crumble. 

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, “I know, I  _ know  _ that I’m no fun when I’m like this, and we were supposed to have fun today, and I just can’t do it. I  _ can’t _ , I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, but if you stay here when I’m-” he broke, clamping a hand around his mouth as a sob wracked his body.. “When I’m like  _ this _ , I’m just gonna ruin your day more.”

That sad look, the one that had no place being in Remus’ expression, sharpened and widened until he looked almost  _ angry _ . He crawled over to Patton, prying the side’s hand away from his face and cupping his cheek, gently, all the while that scowl was in place. 

“Do you want me to go?”

Patton could barely speak, knowing that he’d just blubber and blubber, but Remus was holding him up by the shoulders and peering down at him so patiently, so carefully.

“I- I-”

“Do you want to be alone?”

He couldn’t- he  _ couldn’t  _ keep  _ lying _ .

Patton sucked in a breath.

“ _ No _ .”

Remus grinned at him proudly, pulling back until he was kneeling. He spread his arms out, an offering that Patton had become intimately familiar with. Patton pulled himself up, shaking, incredulous despite the familiarity of the situation.

“Then you don’t have to be.”

And Patton pitched forward, right into Remus’ arms, clutching and crying and trembling like a leaf.

Distantly, he knew that he was still babbling apologies. Insisting that the Duke could leave as soon as he wanted, that Patton felt this way so often and he knew he couldn’t possibly expect comfort every time, a million other sentences that ran over and into each other which only seemed to make Remus clutch him tighter. 

“It’s  _ okay _ ,” Remus told him.

“It’s- It’s not, I don’t even have a- a reason to be so-” a hiccup, “- upset. It’s not like last time, when you found me- I don’t even have a  _ bad _ excuse, I’m just- just-”

“Shut the fuck up,” somehow, even that sounded caring. “Somebody as Hello Kitty Wholesome as you’s got no business saying such bad shit about himself.”

Patton tried to apologize again. 

“Easy, Sugar, I’ve got you.”

Patton shuddered.

“When it gets bad like this, just tell me, alright?” Remus’ hands traced up and down his spine, across his shoulder blades, down his sides, warm and full and adoring. The smile in his voice was audible, “I’m gonna take care of you.”

And when Patton heard that, it was like a broken bone being set. Not fully mended, but held together enough that it could begin to heal the right way, of its own hard work, and come back twice as strong still. Remus held him so strong and it felt like a cast. 

Patton’s breakdowns were blurred memories at best, but he couldn’t have gotten that promise out of his head even if he wanted to. 

It was an achingly uneventful afternoon. Everything in the Mindpalace felt just a little out of focus, a little  _ gray _ , and nothing much was going to change that except the day ending. Plain and simple, Thomas was Out Of It- and so, of course, were his sides.

On the whole it wasn’t a big deal, but it did make it downright impossible to finish any substantial work beyond menial, autopilot tasks. And creativity? Particularly for Remus, who more-or-less needed his human at full attention in order to have any creative power, it was totally hopeless. 

He wasn’t the kind of guy to work on half-power, to put it mildly. 

So, what did Remus do, when he had even less of an outlet than usual? It shouldn’t surprise you that the answer is literally  _ anything _ , if it got people to pay attention to him and make him feel real again (which he wasn’t, actually, but let’s leave the semantics to Logan). What that usually amounted to- these days, at least- was talking, and talking, and more talking, and eventually somebody would probably react to something he said. Ideally. 

So on that particular gray-day, Remus sprawled himself out on the couch and waited for the first person who came by to trap in a very one-sided conversation. 

Said first person was Patton, as it happened, which was just Remus’ luck. He didn’t bother hiding how excited he was about it; Patton had always been his favorite target- of course, it was for a very, very different reason nowadays. 

Patton sat down with him as soon as he was waved over, propping a coloring book open on his knee and smiling warmly. His unoccupied hand went to wind through Remus’ hair, though, to make it abundantly obvious that despite his distraction he wasn’t ignoring the other.

Remus grinned at him, and started rambling immediately. 

And he- well, he wouldn’t really call it talking to himself, because he didn’t have a fucking clue what he was saying. But he wasn’t talking to Patton either, because that kinda defeats the purpose of a one-sided conversation. 

Which he didn’t mind. He wasn’t even listening to himself, he just needed to  _ talk _ , and Patton wasn’t complaining. Remus was probably saying something unsavory, and still, there wasn’t any kind of flinching or interrupting. Patton even  _ mhm _ ’d and  _ yeah _ ’d every now and then, which was an entirely unnecessary reassurance. But Remus thought it was adorably considerate, and briefly entertained the idea of replacing that sweet little coloring book in Patton’s lap with his own self, to get some proper attention. 

(He would have, too, if he wasn’t so sure that he’d blurt out something  _ very  _ lewd in his stream-of-consciousness kind of mood, with a position like  _ that _ , and he wasn’t sure if Patton could handle it at the moment. Morality always got a little out of whack on gray-days, too, so- loathe as Remus was to say it- better safe than sorry). 

Remus fell into the rhythm of it for, what, twenty minutes? He was bad with time, but- all he knew was he was thinking about Albert Fish, and talking about an entirely different serial killer out loud (Gacy? Bundy? It was definitely someone infamous), when the hand in his hair suddenly stilled. Patton wasn’t looking at him, either.

Remus glanced around, still talking, to find Logan standing in the kitchen doorway, staring expectantly at Patton. 

“I need you to accompany me outside for a moment. There’s something important that we-”

Patton cut him off with a wave, “Hang on for a second, Teach.” 

Logan obliged, looking bemused, and Patton turned his attention back to the still-tangenting Remus. Who was totally checked out, for the record. 

“Hey,” Patton rested a hand on his shoulder, smiling warmly, “Pause?”

And Remus, surprised, did as asked. He didn’t care about what was going on around him, but he liked that smile, and the eyes focused in on him, so he sat up properly and tried to be quiet. Especially considering those were the first actual words Patton had said to him since he’d sat down. 

“I’m gonna go see what they need real quick,” Patton went on, “I’ll be back in a few minutes, and you can finish telling me about Dennis Rader then-” So that was who! “Kay?” 

Remus stared mutely at him for an embarrassing number of seconds. He eventually managed a short nod, some vague utterances of  _ yeah, sure, go ahead,  _ before Patton was out the door with Logan, and he was left reeling on the couch. 

Remus felt a little bit like worms had eaten holes in his brain like swiss cheese, leaving him airy-headed and dizzy. All his organs felt wormy, in fact- squirming and sick and excited about something that really shouldn’t have been a big deal- but! It was!!!

Cuz Patton had been  _ listening _ ?  _ Remus _ wasn’t even listening! He was probably barely coherent, and he’d been at it for twenty fucking minutes, and- and-

_ God!  _ He just wanted to grab that stupid adorable head of Patton’s and! He didn’t even know! Do  _ Something _ , something disgusting in the nice way, something deplorably PG and lovey-dovey and- Ugh! 

Remus buried his face in his hands and groaned. He felt like a goddamn schoolgirl- and not the hentai kind, for a change, but the hopelessly infatuated, cutesy type. Feelings that were gushy, giddy, affectionately bloody. 

It was the straw that broke the camel's spine. Urges and instincts and wants that Remus hadn’t been able to name coalesced into a neon sign in his mind, flaring the answer like it’d been obvious the whole time:

Was it a crush? Remus didn’t know a better word for it, even if it wasn’t- he just knew that he was  _ pining _ , and for somebody he was happy to call his friend either way. And, huh. Weird. He didn’t know he could  _ do  _ that. 

“I’m back, I’m back!” Patton came scrambling back into the room, jolting Remus out of his thoughts, “Sorry about that, it was- well, it’s not a big deal, something happened with The Memories and- it’s fine  _ now _ \- anyway, what were you saying?”

He was chattering fast, even by Remus’ Standards, an apologetic smile on his face as he sat down and settled all his attention on the Duke. 

Remus said: “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” and wondered if he’d always been that shrill? Or was he being  _ too  _ quiet? What did his voice sound like again?? “I, uh, I don’t remember what I was talking about.”

Patton frowned at him, and looked about ready to apologize again, and he couldn’t very well have  _ that.  _ So, he babbled:

“Right, it was Rader? Um. Yeah,” but that was so far out of his mind by that point, and how did people ever talk while saying things and thinking other things! “Not much to say, ya know. Killed some people, got arrested, the usual.”

“Since when don’t you give me the graphic details?” Patton complained, “That’s your favorite part!” 

“I think I’ll spare you the nightmares this time, Morey! It’s, uhm, it’s your turn to talk.” 

“Oh, hush,” and Patton laughed, shooting Remus an encouraging, coaxing smile that made him just want to debone himself. “Those serial killer stories you like so much aren’t the nightmare fuel they used to be. You know why?”

Remus felt like the inside of his skin was full of spikes. Not in a bad way. 

“...Why?” 

“Because,” Patton said, like he was all too eager to explain himself, “I can’t really be scared of  _ them _ when the scariest thing is what’s in bed with  _ me _ .”

Remus flushed. Like, actually- heat crawled across his face and over his ears, and he honestly had no clue the last time something or someone had made  _ him  _ blush. But Patton, acknowledging his scare-factor while somehow making it obvious he felt only safe with him, was apparently what ticked that box. 

“Right,” chirped Remus, “That’s- me!”

“Of course it is, Silly,” Patton bumped their shoulders together, smiling like he had no idea what he was doing- and to be honest, he probably didn’t.

Remus drank in the contact, happily using it as an excuse to wrap his arms around Patton and pull him closer. He buried his face in Patton’s shoulder, because as far as his impulses told him, he should either get the fuck away A.S.A.P. or drag Patton in as close as possible and not let go. Obviously, Remus had a preference. 

“You- uh- I was being serious though,” ugh, God, stuttering was so goddamn annoying- how did Virgil cope? “You should talk. I’m- I’m sorta overwhelmed.”

That was the truth, or part of it. Admitting it out loud at least managed to take some of the power out of it.

Patton immediately cooed at him- it should have been annoying; it wasn’t- and wrapped him up in his arms properly, muttering little  _ of courses  _ and  _ do you need anything?s _ . Remus melted into him, finally claiming that spot in his lap (and any jokes his mind might have had about that were long gone, by then), shaking his head and glowing under the attention. 

Of course Patton was happy- after making sure that Remus was alright- to do some of the talking. He talked about his day, what he wanted to do later, or tomorrow, and of cute things that he’d seen, and a hundred other inconsequential Patton-isms. 

Remus was unused to sitting and listening, but with him… it wasn’t as bad as the Duke remembered it being. 

Oh, he was so fucking fucked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somebody stop me before i give patton another mental illness wuhwoh.  
> one chapter to go from here, folks!! I sincerely hope you're liking it still, and if you would leave comments or constructive criticisms I would be delighted !!! <33  
> -WJ


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no words. I spent so long working on this thing honestly i cant think abt the plot without dissociating anymore.   
> That said I think it's good??? maybe. you will have to be the judge of that tho.   
> -WJ

Everything in the Mindpalace was going well.

Patton repeated that sentence to himself like a mantra, a water-filled mason jar clutched between his hands as he leaned against the kitchen bar.

Everything in the Mindpalace was going well.

Months and months went by without anyone having any sort of falling out, aside from petty arguments and occasional disagreements. Patton was attending each meeting, Remus right beside him. Life went on without a hitch. 

Patton tried not to give Remus all the credit for everything good that had been happening. Logan, he knew, was working very hard to better himself and be more open. Janus was acclimating to his new surroundings more every day, and tentatively building new relationships while fixing up the old ones. Roman had been trying so hard, okay, and everyone could see the ways he hesitated less and less each time he went to speak. That’s not to speak of  _ Virgil _ , who’d managed to slot his past and his present together into one big future, and not without considerable effort.

Patton could laud them all for that, for the peace that fell over the Mindpalace, but… 

Part of him knew he never would’ve noticed that peace if he was still locked in turmoil with himself. And all of him knew exactly who it was that pulled him out of that hole. 

Which isn’t to say it wasn’t an equal thing. He learned that a while in, that he was picking up Remus’ slack as much as Remus was picking up his. They functioned together, complimentary. 

Everything in the Mindpalace was going well. The aching etched across Patton’s skin had faded, the ice solidified over his skeleton had thawed, and he couldn’t remember ever feeling so content.

Everything in  _ Patton’s  _ Mindpalace was going well.

Morality grinned against the edge of his drink, fighting the urge to laugh. He wasn’t even drinking anything, and still there was this giddiness. But that was how he always got at parties, and why he preferred to not drink alcohol anyway- he didn’t need to get any more jelly-brained! 

Even if ‘party’ was a generous word for the gathering: It was just a family meeting gone awry, to be honest. No one had been in a working mood, not even Logan, and it was late in the evening already and the food was already there and. Well. Things morphed from there.

Remus was almost entirely glued to Patton’s side, despite how obviously he buzzed with energy. The simple fact that there was music, and food, and everyone enjoying themselves seemed to turn him up to 100- or, 110, since he usually operated with a staggering amount of energy either way.

But it was nice, hearing him talk, watching him flicker around excitedly. Patton, as was the case more and more these days, could hardly keep his eyes off him.

It wasn’t exactly like that was a problem. He doubted that a single side wasn’t aware of how completely and utterly entangled the both of them were with each other by that point, even if some of them still found it strange. They were… surprisingly supportive, of whatever kind of relationship the two of them had formed.

_ Friends _ , Patton reminded himself sternly,  _ what else would it be?  _ Patton had never wanted to  _ date  _ anyone, after all, and this wasn’t exactly an exception. It was just… 

Strange. It  _ was _ strange, but so was Remus- and honestly, so was  _ Patton _ \- so maybe it made more sense that way. 

But just the same, things were smooth, and for once Patton wasn’t feeling too neurotic about it. He was half-sitting on the bar comfortably, swinging his leg, not chatting too much out of calmness more than anything. Remus was cross-legged on the counter as well, pressed up against him, buzzing and fidgeting but otherwise relaxed. Virgil leaned against the bookshelf crosswise, talking quietly with Remus. He only looked a little overwhelmed, and that was really unavoidable in any situation (Patton knew that if things were  _ actually  _ too much for him, Logan would already be taking care of it- it was like he had a sixth sense for that sort of thing). 

“-and anyway,” Virgil was saying, “It’s not like I haven’t  _ seen  _ it before, but I’m not about to tell Roman that, because-”

“You have to see his reaction!” Remus interrupted, grinning mischievously. 

“Right,  _ duh _ \- you can’t just, like, pass up an opportunity to show somebody  _ that _ .”

“Misery loves company!”

“And that movie is  _ miserable _ ,” Virgil nodded to himself, and okay, Patton had no idea what they were talking about. 

He smiled at them anyway, though, because it was probably something to do with horror. Remus and Virgil could talk about horror for  _ hours _ ; it was a wonder there was ever a time they didn’t get along, honestly. 

But Patton knew that his brain was rolling around everywhere except for the present- and he always got all reminiscent and unfocused when he was this happy- so he shook himself, standing up. 

“I’m gonna check the oven, the food’s probably done by now!” and then, just to Remus: “I’ll be just a second, Mess.”

Remus smiled at him, let him go, and barely took a breath before he was talking again. ( _ “So what’d he think? Did he scream at the end? That  _ ending _ , I mean…” _ )

Patton slipped into the kitchen- which was barely another room, considering that wide open wall- but it was just a little quieter and a lot more pizza-roll-smelling than the living room. 

Which Patton did actually have to take out of the oven, but it just so happened that getting up and moving around also got his head out of the clouds. That, and the mindless actions of snack-prep let him tune in better to what was going on around him. ( _ “That’s the thing, he went dead quiet as soon as the scene started. For a second I thought I broke him-” and then Remus was laughing, and Virgil was shushing him while also snickering. _ )

Patton slipped on an oven mitt, grabbed the tray, set it on top of the stove. More noise erupted behind him, ( _ Logan and Roman arguing about something that obviously didn’t matter, getting about as heated as they usually did. _ ) and he shook his head, pouring the snacks steadily into a dish. Patton then grabbed the bag and spread some uncooked rolls out on the now-unoccupied pan, and slipped it back into the oven for another batch. ( _ Janus heckling the argument. Virgil joining in, needling them. _ )

Patton rolled his eyes fondly, going through the motions of getting some tea ready. Might as well try to calm the dizzy exuberance in his chest while he was up, if he could, and some nice chamomile wouldn’t hurt.

( _Remus wasn’t audibly teasing his brother with his snark-fueled companions, which was unlike him; to just sit there quietly._ )

Patton rifled through the cabinets. Every mug was cracked or chipped or held together with glue and hope, and they sure had plenty of mugs. They kept conjuring new ones, but Patton wondered if that was doing them any good: all the mugs ended up in disarray eventually, so it was easier to just deal with the fissures as long as the cup was still, you know, vaguely functional. 

Patton grabbed his favorite- easily the most beaten and battered out of them all, with a thick line splitting up the little cat face painted into it, a large chip in one part of the rim that had been sculpted to look like a cat ear. Whatever he poured into it always tasted a little like the super-glue holding it together, but it was just too darn cute to get rid of!

Patton smiled to himself, and thankfully had set the fragile thing down  _ before  _ two lanky arms twined around his waist and scared him half to death. 

“ _ Remus _ !” It didn’t sound scolding at  _ all _ ; Patton was laughing too much. 

Remus spun him around, looking immensely proud for startling him, and raised himself up to drape his arms over Patton’s shoulders.

“What’cha smiling about?” He asked, grinning wider than Patton was even capable of. Patton laughed again, softly this time, and leaned back against the countertop. 

“Mmm, you first.”

“Okay,” Remus squirmed, like he’d been hoping someone would ask- which was silly, considering that he was always smiling ear-to-ear. “You.”

Patton rolled his eyes, “ _ Nuh-uh _ , I already asked-”

“No,  _ you _ ,” Remus poked him in the ribs, “You’re why.”

“Oh,” Patton melted, just a little. “ _ Ohhh _ ,” he pulled Remus into a proper hug, burying his face in the side’s hair, and the giddy feeling he’d been stuck with certainly wasn’t going away any time soon after that, “Aww, Mess!”

“Jesus, you’re so  _ mushy _ . That line wasn’t even any good,” Remus cackled, like he had any right to be aloof when he was coiled all around Patton like he couldn’t help himself.

“You’re the one who  _ said  _ it, you big sap!” Patton playfully argued.

“Yeah, and you never answered my question!” 

Patton pulled back- although that stretched the term; he’d pushed himself up onto the counter, with Remus between his knees, essentially still touching. 

“I’m just in a good mood, that’s all. It’s a good night!” And it  _ was, _ but Patton had to admit- “Maybe it has  _ some _ thing to do with you, also.”

Remus smirked at him, leaning forward and planting his hands on either side of Patton’s legs. 

“It better. I’m a riot at parties!”

_ This is barely a party _ , Patton thought,  _ you’re always a riot,  _ but he didn’t say either thing. Just hummed, tapping his fingers on the laminate countertop, staring into the middle distance pleasantly. 

The rest of the sides were sprawled around the couch in the living room- which was mostly visible from the kitchen- and their argument was swiftly getting louder. Not a single one of them wasn’t laughing as much as he was shouting, though, so Patton decided to let them be. They were caught up having fun, and so was he, to be honest.

Remus was watching the others, too, but only in glances. He tossed a look over his shoulder every now and then, eyes darting around the room wildly, which was almost normal for him. Except that he looked so focused about it, scanning over them and then back to Patton with purpose, almost like he was…  _ waiting _ for something. 

His claws were tapping on the counters, too, but it was a feverish beat. Patton covered Remus’ hand with his own, twining their fingers together and squeezing them comfortingly- and Remus’ eyes locked immediately back onto his. 

“Hi,” Patton said.

“Hey,” Remus said, “I love you.”

Patton went still. He blinked rapidly, and took a minute to remember how to think. The admission couldn’t have been  _ surprising _ , of course they loved each other, but- it felt like it was the first time it had been said. It also didn’t feel like that was  _ possible _ , because after all their time together how could they have skipped saying it, it was so obvious? They were so close, so blunt, Patton was pretty sure neither of them knew the meaning of the word ‘unspoken’. 

Oh, but either way, he should probably- “I love you, too!” 

Yeah, weird or not that they hadn’t done this before, that part was still pretty important.

But Remus hardly reacted at all, just a twitch in the corner of his lips- maybe-almost a smile, hypothetically. If anything, he was jittering even worse than before the reciprocation; Patton took his other hand just so he’d stop  _ trembling _ , like a paranoid chihuahua, clutching that one the same as the first. 

“Hey, what’s wrong, Buddy?” Patton implored. Remus stared at him,  _ through  _ him, and his eyes were visibly sharpening like little red camera lenses. 

“Patton, Patton, Patton,” a wild mantra, “I must have the restraint of a saint, waiting this long to- to, I mean- Can I-” he took a breath, a set in his jaw showing just how much effort it took to pull his thoughts together. “I wanna do something. With you.”

Patton paused, and thought very carefully about that statement and everything that it could mean. There were… many possibilities. 

“Is it gonna hurt?” Was the question he eventually settled on, squeezing Remus’ hands. 

“Uhh, Probably not? If it does, then I’m definitely doing it wrong.”

“Okay, well-” Patton took a breath, met his friend’s eyes, and  _ how  _ was that as enticing as it was troubling? “Why don’t you?”

“...Can I?”

Remus looked about ready to shake out of his skin, so if whatever it was made him  _ calm down _ , then Patton didn’t have any objections. Plus, hey, he was dense, but he wasn’t  _ that  _ dense. 

“Has that question ever stopped you before?” 

Something steeled in Remus’ expression, and he grinned. Patton grinned back, and that was when he knew without a doubt what was about to happen. 

Remus jolted forwards and kissed him, square on the lips. 

It was over as soon as it started, with Remus wrenching backwards and looking even more wild-eyed, before Patton had the time to really process it. If it was even actually a nice kiss, for example, was something that he could not honestly answer- only that it had happened, and now, here they were. But  _ gosh _ , had it  _ happened _ … 

Remus watched him closely, tensed up like a string. He looked unaccountably silly like that, or maybe it was just the giddiness, but Patton giggled either way, smiled, and ducked his head. He felt a flush in his face, and like his heart had filled up with something- warm and wild and not like anything he knew how to name.

And gradually, Remus relaxed from tension into confusion, a hesitant laugh escaping him. He tossed out a dozen sentence fragments, which Patton deciphered with ease.

“We’re-”  _ aromantic _ , “We don’t-”  _ do that,  _ “I’ve never-”  _ wanted to before. _

“Doesn’t matter,” Patton said decisively, “I don’t care.”

Remus searched his expression for a moment, before breaking down into hazy laughter again. He looked  _ gone _ .

“Fuck it- if you don’t care, I don’t care! Let’s- Let’s just-!”

His eyes were darting around again, looking back through the open wall- and the argument was still raging, no one was paying any attention to the kitchen. Patton pulled one of his hands out of Remus’ and did something  _ very  _ impulsive.

He grabbed Remus’ jaw, dragging the trait’s gaze back to him. 

“Don’t look at them,” he said, “Look at me.”

If it weren’t for the hush in his voice, the gentle-saccharine softness of it, the unmistakable  _ Patton-ness  _ of it, it would’ve sounded downright narcissistic. He could feel bad about that later, though, because as it stood the words made Remus send him a lovely little look, which made it very hard to be sorry about anything. 

“No complaints here,” Remus grabbed Patton’s wrist, making it very obvious that he wanted his hand to stay right where it was. “But that’s the  _ only  _ time you get to boss me around, so don’t get cozy telling me what to do.”

“Oh yeah?” Remus’ voice had been light, nothing like the way he used to talk about Patton’s bossiness. There was that obvious hint of sarcasm, like a little in-joke between them. Patton already knew what the punchline would be. “I bet I can prove you wrong.”

Remus’ eyes glinted excitedly, “Doubt it!”

“Kiss me again.”

Patton got the sense Remus couldn’t have cared less about being wrong, with how fast he launched into it. 

It took three tries to turn the doorknob, and again, not a single alcoholic beverage had been had by either of them that night. It was just that they refused to stop holding hands or cracking up laughing long enough to get the stupid thing open. 

Patton shoved his way through first, kicking the door shut behind them and all but dragging Remus along. They were giggling senselessly, tripping all over each other and grinning at nothing and everything, before promptly collapsing onto the bed together. 

That was the moment when Patton registered the room as Remus’, which only made him grin  _ wider _ , because it was so  _ alive  _ in there. The shadows in the wallpaper all coalesced and reached out to Patton, and the floor purred under his feet, rippling like the skin of some giant animal. It was all so creepy the first few times he’d slept there, but now it was just adorable; every part of Remus, down to his  _ room _ , was so ecstatic to have him there that it tried to pull him in and hold him.

But he couldn’t very well cuddle a wall, so Patton turned his attention back to the side himself, giggling and pleasantly delirious. 

Remus was staring at him. Their hands were still clasped between them. 

“Hey,” he started.

“ _ Hiii _ ,” Patton answered.

And then, in unison:

“What are we?” “C’mere and hold me.”

Patton blinked at him, and Remus laughed. 

“Compromise: I hold you while you tell me what this-” he held up their hands, “-makes us.” 

Yeah, that seemed fair.

Patton shuffled over, fitting his arms around Remus’ shoulders and weaving his fingers through the Duke’s hair, scratching at his scalp. Remus curled all around him in a way that had become perfectly familiar, resting his chin on Patton’s chest and staring up at him expectantly. 

(and Patton answering questions in a way that made sense was unlikely in most situations, but with this one?  _ Oh boy _ ).

“So, um, I love you,” he settled on eventually, working out a particularly dense knot of hair with his fingers. 

Remus snorted. “Yeah, you mentioned,” he tapped his claws against Patton’s sternum, seeming to turn things over in his head. “We’re friends?”

Patton thought about it. He frowned.

“We  _ are _ , but… that doesn’t feel special enough. I wouldn’t-” he felt himself flush, “I know I’m touchy, but I wouldn’t do all  _ this  _ with just anybody. I wouldn’t do it with anybody but you.”

“Okay. Me neither. So, uh- boyfriend _ ssss? _ ” 

They winced in unison, Remus dragging the word out in a hiss.

“No,” Patton said.

“Yeah, that ain’t the one.”

“I mean, we don’t, um-”

“We aren’t exactly gonna  _ fuck _ , you mean.”

Patton squeaked, inadvertently tugging too hard on a knot of hair. “I-  _ first of all _ , you can date without-  _ that _ , but second of all- mhm, that’s a definite no.” 

Remus scrunched up his nose, scratching where his scalp had been pulled.

“I know you can, but I meant, like…” 

He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut childishly. Patton patted him on the back sympathetically, equally as frustrated with Words and their lack of General Correctness at that moment as Remus clearly was. 

“Why’s everything so fucking  _ complicated _ ?” The trait whined, “I mean, feelings are your job, you’re smart! What’s- what’s-” Remus sat up suddenly, straddling Patton’s legs, grabbing one of the side’s hands and pressing it against his chest. The fabric of his sash was rough against Patton’s fingers, and beneath that, an irregular pattern of heartbeats, and beneath  _ that _ , there were… there were definitely some feelings. “What  _ is  _ that, Pat?” His voice dipped low, that strained whispery sound that Patton just  _ loved _ . “It’s gotta be something.”

Patton tried to focus, however hard that proved, and reached down inside to find a name for the sensation. The sensation that matched his own so well, and that gave him an odd little feedback loop of emotion that made everything sort of dizzy- trying to figure out other people’s emotions through his side ability  _ always  _ made him dizzy, despite the fact that he was apparently very good at it. 

“It sure is something,” Patton muttered, flushing brighter. It was so much, and if Patton was anybody else but himself, it would’ve been  _ too  _ much. But he wasn’t, and it wasn’t; he couldn’t get enough.

“I didn’t know you cared about this,” Patton let his hand fall, smiling bemusedly up at Remus, “A label, I mean. I always thought you’d be the one saying they were stupid. Not that there’s, you know, anything wrong with it either way.”

Remus rolled off of Patton, flopping down beside him again. He pressed up against Patton’s shoulder, chewing his lip in concentration. 

“I  _ care  _ about stuff. Stuff like you, and this is about you, so. Don’t blame me for worrying about it now, you’re the one who infected me with feelings in the first place.”

“I don’t blame you,” Patton said, and he was absolutely grinning at that. Remus narrowed his eyes. Patton stifled a laugh.

“What? What is it?”

“It’s just- You sounded exactly like Virgil,” Patton giggled, shaking his head fondly, “ _ ‘Infected with feelings’ _ , gosh, that’s so silly.”

Remus blinked at him, before his face split with a smile. “Yeah, I thought you’d like that one.”

Patton hummed. And then, he leaned over just enough to kiss Remus’ forehead, just because he could. 

Remus caught him by the jaw and pulled him in for a  _ proper  _ kiss, which he happily reciprocated. That kicked off a nice five minute break from the conversation at hand, as Patton took the time to appreciate the feeling, noting the reverent gentleness that Remus always touched him with was just as present as ever- and yes, for the record, it wasn’t a great olfactory experience, but softness of him more than made up for it. 

“So,” Patton started, once they’d finally parted. “I think I know what we can do.”

Remus stared at him, looking distinctly dazed. “What? Make out some more?”

Patton smacked him (lightly) on the arm, smiling despite himself. 

“No- well, maybe- but I meant about us.”

“Right, right.” 

Patton sat up straighter (haha), leaning back against the headboard and bringing Remus up with him. He tipped his head to one side in thought, then to the other (which was mirrored, adorably, by the Duke).

“We can make it simple if we just, y’know, cut out the middleman,” Patton took Remus’ hand again, tangling their fingers together. “So, I don’t have to be your friend, or your boyfriend… What if I’m just yours?”

Remus always had a very intense stare to him, but Patton had never felt quite as pinned to the spot by those laser-sharp reds than he did in that moment. 

“Oh,” purred Remus, “ _ Ooh _ , I  _ like  _ that.”

Patton smiled sheepishly at him, running his thumb along the Duke’s knuckles. “So- yes?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Remus leaned over him, fixing his free arm around Patton’s neck possessively. “You’ll be mine, and I’ll be yours. Sounds like a plan to  _ me _ .” 

Patton laughed, almost overfull with giddiness at just how eager Remus managed to sound about that. It- it felt good, to be something that someone got so excited over. To be wanted. 

To  _ want _ , too, wasn’t as foreign a concept to Patton. But he was wanting now, and it was worlds different than before. Because he was actually  _ getting _ the source of that yearning, this time, and of course that only made the feelings stronger, and-

Thinking about it made him tired. Deliriously happy, of course, but absolutely  _ exhausted _ . For once, he was almost completely devoid of the urge to psychoanalyze himself; he was happy, in love, and loved. Patton could count on one hand the number of times he’d had all three of those things in his life at once, and he didn’t want to waste this one. 

He tugged Remus into his lap. Remus was incapable of sitting still at all, but he hardly minded. Remus squirmed around, drummed his fingers against Patton’s back, buried his face in Patton’s shoulder (and, completely shamelessly, smelled him). It was so  _ him _ , to not be settled at all even in such a contented moment. Endearing in every way.

And he started chattering, at some point, because of course he did. At first he was talking about  _ them _ , but that topic didn’t stick around for long before he was jumping around all over the place with his words. 

Remus ranted for two reasons: one, he was frustrated, needy for attention. Two, he was too excited not to talk, and there was so much going on that he couldn’t shut up for a second to even breathe. Patton was intimately familiar with telling the difference between the two, and, sorting that occasion into the later category, he wrapped Remus up in his arms and waited patiently for the trait to tire himself out. He didn’t mind that either. 

Eventually, though, Remus did. 

Eventually, it wasn’t night so much as it was morning, and Patton was tired and warm and half-asleep already, and Remus was laying contentedly on his chest while the rambling steadily became faint mumbling.

Eventually, they were sleeping, just like any other night together. 

And the last thing Patton had in mind, as he flitted in and out of awakeness, was the dim realization that he’d forgotten how it felt to be cold. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's!! the ending!!!  
> Thank you for reading this fanfiction all the way through!! I think it turned out pretty good, and it was a lot of fun to make. With the final chapter I didn't know how best to sum up their relationship, so I kinda just shoved my views of intimacy onto these fellas because I have a Very Specific Idea of a qpr and like, no way to describe it well, so I kinda just flailed around here until it sounded emotionally significant.   
> Again, thank u so much for reading!! please leave comments/feedback!!! love you all <3  
> -WJ

**Author's Note:**

> I would very much appreciate comments and feedback, s'il vous plait!   
> -WJ


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